Friday, January 31, 2003

The cool mid-century deli around

The cool mid-century deli around the corner has been making and selling bagels since the 50’s.  It smells like a bagel bakery, yeasty and fulsome and indulgent.  They’re pushy and friendly inside, there’s a fun give-and-take on a sunday morning when we’re all hung over and vulnerable.  But their sign is not working for me any more.  One of the letters has fallen off and now they’re proudly proclaiming themselves as the Hose of Bagels.  And years have passed since this happened, it’s been more than a decade.  They’re just content with it that way.  But I’m getting these increasingly detailed visions of the hose of bagel, and its taking on new and questionable meaning for me.  I need for this to stop.  Could someone just fix the sign already?  Here are some suggestions if you don’t want to buy new letters…

There must be a reason

There must be a reason I didn’t watch the national television debut of my fave domme.  How could I have missed it?  My newsletter subscription to “Weekly Welt” must have expired.  Well anyway it looks like Joe Millionaire is facing a statistical 1-in-3 chance of getting the paddling of his dreams.  His girlfriend has a thing for string, if you get my bent.  I guess she needed someone with ready access to sawhorses and duct tape.

I gotta get something new

I gotta get something new up here, I can’t keep looking at that horrible pun.  SO: I’m going to rip off the popular media to provide further insight on an issue that’s been getting a lot of attention over at Lunanina’s place:

“WHAT TO WEAR?  Most superheroes go for the nice, tight, form-fitting costume.  We want to show off what we got.  Sometimes a goods set of pectorals strikes fear in the hearts of bad people more than a freaky mask!  Spandex and Lycra are fine materials to make a costume from, and they come in all sorts of neat colors.  Think comfort!  Avoid all that is itchy.  Zippers can sometimes pinch.  Never wear corduroy or snow pants: they make swishy sounds when you walk, making it impossible to sneak up on villains.  Masks are optional, but are handy if you need to protect your secret identity.... Capes are something to consider.  Maybe practice walking around in a cape before you decide whether or not a cape is for you.” from The TICK: Mighty Blue Justice, Boulevard Books, New York, 1997, at 14. 

Please note that this information comes straight from the animated televised Tick, not the lame live action tick or the surreal and wry comix version.  The cartoon was FUNNIER THAN THE SIMPSONS.  There, I said it.