Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Coronets and Kings

Hey, welcome back, me!  I’ve had a dense but satisfying trip to LA, where I got to get some real quality time with my dad, my step-family (nephew scored a hat trick and two assists in his hockey game!), an old friend, and an old acquaintance who is now, whether he likes it or not, a new friend.  I ate cholesterol, salt, and sugar; I got a Tommy’s Burgers t-shirt and an electric razor, and I got to drive up and down Ventura Boulevard a few times.  Doing so, I couldn’t help but gawk at how much the place has changed.  That’s a good enough intro for this first essay in my series, Damn, The Place Sure Is Changing.  And now, back to your regularly scheduled blogging:

Palaces ain’t what they used to be back when I was a lad.  I suppose that, even then, they weren’t what they used to be, but there were still enough left to set a tone.  Growing up as I did in Cinema City, the real landmarks persevered - the Chinese, the Egyptian, the parvenue glitz of the Cinerama Dome - but even in my then-sleepy valley banlieu we still had the Studio and the Sherman and the La Reina, big classy movie houses lining the south side of Ventura Boulevard where everybody in line was waiting for the same show and elaborate terrazzo mosaics reflected gorgeous neon fantasies flickering above bijoux box offices.  One big screen for one big movie.  It felt special when you entered those storied portals, like you were visiting a realm that was part throwback and part fantasy.  They were called “palaces” for a reason.  Architecturally, decoratively, and in sheer bulk, they ruled.

But even as I was growing up, the palaces were being supplanted by bourgeois new multiplexes.  Utilitarian, uninspired, more like waiting rooms at second-rate airports than worlds unto themselves, these outlet malls of the entertainment world efficiently slurped up the filmic crowds like a shop-vac clears stale popcorn from sticky theater floors.  I always preferred the big fancy theaters but if a multiplex was showing what I wanted to see when I wanted to see it, I’d happily go there instead.  So maybe I was part of the problem.  I’d like to think it would be more accurate to say that I was just a little more grist for the evolving grindhouse mill. 

The Sherman and Studio and La Reina all closed between my entering high school and my leaving college.  I’d go out to Hollywood sometimes to see a big budget blockbuster on a football field screen, but frankly it was inconvenient.  Those rare times I went to see a movie, I usually hit the ‘plex and I didn’t think twice about it. 

Once I moved to San Francisco I figured I’d left the palaces behind, but I was sort of mistaken: the city still had a few big screens where cinema was king.  One by one, these too closed up.  The Moorish extravagances of the Alhambra were shuttered, eventually to become a fitness club.  The pharonic fantasy of the Alexandria, already cut down to three screens, locked its curved portico and continues slowly to decompose even unto the present day.  Meanwhile, multiplexes proliferated, even seeking some share of the elegance and cachet that once distinguished real movie palaces but achieving only a pre-fab Logan’s Run tawdriness.  Even though the Metreon ‘plex boasts a massive IMAX screen, and the AMC 1000, cushy stadium seats, there was only one real first-run palace left in town - and it was just a few blocks from my home.

The Coronet wasn’t a beautiful palace, all brutal boxy angles and dumbed-down details, but lord love it, it was big.  It filled half a block and held a natural crowd, and its screen was cinemax grand.  It’s where Star Warses opened - all of them, with costumed hordes camping on the sidewalk for a week to ensure a premiere seat.  It was a place where imagination still superseded reality.  As a palace it left a lot to be desired, but it was still there, damn it, and it was a real destination. 

The Coronet was where we’d go with friends to see the big new shows, Potters and Hobbits and such, where magnificent images flickered and loomed like 2-D gods above us.  We’d always sit all the way down in front.  Usually those aren’t the best seats, but the Coronet had old-school proportions: the front row was a good 40 yards from the screen and when we sat there we could stretch out our legs, slump comfortably on well-worn velour thrones, unpack a knapsack of tasty snacks and adult beverages, and have a fine old time.  Fruit and cheese, bourbon and wine, all the tastiest sweetmeats accompanied us to Hogwarts, Mordor and Tattooine.  The Coronet had its shortcomings but you never noticed them from the front row.  I felt ownership.  It felt right.

Two years ago the Coronet closed, another victim of market forces and cut-rate entertainment.  Its one big screen just couldn’t bring in sufficiently consistent dollars to stay lit.  Since then it’s stood shuttered, plywood sheets blocking the broad entry and tired old flags left to tatter and fade above the marquee in the cold foggy wind that whips along Geary.  A sign has announced for 24 or more months that it’s the future site of a center on aging.  Meanwhile, it’s atrophied and withered before my eyes, falling further into desuetude week by week.  My bus takes me past it at least once a day, and every day I sensed the leaching of cinemagic from its stucco.  Where we once lined up to escape into greatness, we now actively ignored while traffic rolled past.  What was once a palace had become an empty shell.

How empty, I didn’t realize till recently.  Now as my bus speeds past the erstwhile grandeur of what was once the Coronet, I see the front of the building, the east wall, the back – and the gaping, vacant interior, yawning with a vacuum that cannot be filled.  The west wall has been entirely removed.  Construction crews now crawl over the roofless, exposed hulk, ripping the sinews from a vast space where I once spent hours escaping my world - a world the Coronet itself could not escape.  That vale of freedom where we once lounged and caroused in fabulous darkness is now exposed to the glare of the sun, the rubble of demolition, the unmitigated harshness of progressive reality.  I can see where those front row seats once were, but are no more.  The magic and majesty are drained entirely away.  I miss the Coronet and all that it brought to my life, even if most of it was illusory.  I’m sure it’ll be a fine senior center, but I could really use a palace sometimes. 

it was like this when I got here at 02:39 PM
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Thursday, July 26, 2007

You Think You Can Dance, Nu?

Hey, thanks for visiting.  I know you’ve got some important television to watch; hell, we all do.  It’s summertime, which used to mean The Don Knotts Variety Hour, but now it’s time for more reality on the small screen than I can fit into my whole pathetic life.  Which reminds me: I’m leaving town for three days or so tomorrow, to visit those who mean most to me in LA; I’ll be back early next week.  But also, and additionally: furthermore!  I just watched another 2.5 tivo hours (about 1 hour of regular human time) of a show I never wanted to watch, and now I am prohibited ever from missing - “So You Think You Can Dance.” It’s dorky and nerdish, and feeds on my old theater camp proclivities (I was the one whose dance solos invariably evoked howls of sympathetic but unfettered laughter).  So I know I can’t dance.  However, I can make fun of those who do, and even more skillfully, I can make fun of the title of the show on which they do so.  And since I’ll be brunching on sunday with one who not only can dance, but was actually voted as the sexiest guy on broadway a few years ago (would that I were joking), as the final installment in my listy goodness series, I choose to hone my facetiousness to the maximum with the following -

ALTERNATE TITLES FOR THE TELEVISION PROGRAM, “SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE”!

Don’t Even Call that Dancing.  Just, Don’t.
What’s With the Dancing, and You Thinking You Can Do It?
Dancing May Not Be Your Strong Suit - Or Is It?
Oh How Wonderful You Must Be, Mr Fancy Dancy Pants
So Make With The Dancing Already
Dancing?  You?  For Reals?
It’s Not That I Don’t Think You Can Dance But, Come On, I Mean, Just Look At You, for God’s Sake.

Well that should be enough of that.  I’ll be back soon enough with a series of essays on endings.  Oh don’t get maudlin.  It’s too early.

it was like this when I got here at 10:43 PM
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Monday, July 23, 2007

Quintriviad: Five Years Blogging and This Is All I Have to Show For It

What, are you still here?  For god’s sake, man, it’s been a full five years!  That’s half a decade, or 1.25 olympiads, or - here’s a weird one - nearly 1/9th of my whole freaking life!  What’s been five years, you ask, mumbling as you check to see if you’re trailing toilet paper or have an embarassing stain on your undercarriage?  Five long blogging years, it’s been, my friends.  Or you could just call them “blonging” years - but even I wouldn’t understand you.  As if that’s ever stopped any of us before. 

But this blog began on July 24, 2002, and for better or - typically - worse, it’s still here today.  Thanks for sticking with me, those of you who did.  As for the rest of you, you’ve broken my heart.  And I love ya for it. 

Speaking of not having been stopped, and before, and blonging and breaking and loving, I wish now to celebrate this auspicious date as I have traditionally done in years past - by the humiliating abnegation of referencing my 40 favorite posts from the year prior to the year just past.  That’s right, I’m insufficiently objective to pick out faves from ‘06 to ‘07, but at least I’m able to do it from ‘05 to ‘06.  And here they are, chosen without method or even madness, and listed chronologically so nobody’s feelings get hurt.  Hope you enjoy them (again).  It’s strange how much work it takes to come up with these lists when I barely have to write anything for them!

Belief
By Next Week Maybe I’ll Find My Tongue
Beaten Up From the Inside
The Gauntlet
Ground Floor
S.Y.S. - A Poem That Forced The Issue
Wide Smiles
NZB and Me
Closeted Doors
looking back: last weekend, before it’s too late; PLUS SWEET AND HOT CARROTS AND ZUKES
Life Doesn’t Just Give You Lemons
Flooded with Memories - Plus a Genuine Ghost
The Mail Man
The Picnic
The Hillel You Say
Homeward Bound: The Hard Way
The Dog Who Flew
Meatwalker
The Long View
Sweeping Up After Earth Day
The Night Uncle Gene Saved Christmas
Knowledge is Flower
Snatching Victory
A Little Joke, and then a much longer and less funny one
K.I.S.S. - Simplistic Syrup
The Miraculous Regenerating Monkeybutt
Close Focus and Fine Tuning
From Beeing to Uncertainty
LAudamus
Fritz
Salad Days and Bonzo Nights: Revenge of the Recipe Corner
Another Unbeatable Weekend
Eat Dessert First: Pieman Comes to Brunch
Spidey and the Good Pot
Staying at Home
Conversatin’
Random Weirdness - In Here and Out There
Onioning
Standing Sentry
King of the Mountain

... so there you have it, a full year of my life, selectively reiterated.  Doesn’t seem so much, now that I look back on it.  Or, put another way, it seems like entirely too much altogether.  I guess that’s the magic of the internet.  That, and meeting you-all.  Now skedaddle your shavetails on home, try to stay out of trouble, and I’ll catch you up again here next year!

it was like this when I got here at 08:51 PM
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it’s late and I have much to do, but heaven forfend I abjure the blog (from the broadway spectacular…

Smile When You Call Me That