Saturday, December 28, 2002

An elderly lady thrust a

An elderly lady thrust a pamphlet into my hand a few days ago on Clement Street.  She was stationed in a pedestrian chokepoint; the crowd thronged and I had no choice but to walk right up to her.  (I suppose I could have walked over her.  She was an elderly asian woman, very nicely dressed with a topcoat, smiling and bowing shallowly as she proffered her wares.  She’d have offered little resistance.  But that’s not my style.) She graciously offered me a tiny pamphlet, and seeing as she was so sweet and tidy and grandmotherly I just wanted to see what kind of pap would make her stand outside and flog the public that way.  The pamphlet was one sheet, folded twice to create, front and back, six panels.  One had a photo of a young manchild in a tent writing by flashlight in a notebook.  The text purported to be a letter sent home from camp by a sensitive youth who’d A.J.C.A.P.S.  He wrote (purportedly) that at his camp the counselor took the boys out at night, a different one each night, and spoke with them under the whispering trees about J.C. and accepting him A.P.S.  And this young boy was nervous about his turn, for one reason - he didn’t A.J.C.A.P.S. But his night came and the counselor asked him if he A.J.C.A.P.S. and the boy started crying, saying he didn’t want to go to hell, and the counselor looked him right in the eye and asked him, “Do you believe (divinity myth)?” And the boy said that he did, and he was suddenly convinced, yea, and without the inconvenient intercession of logic or reason or even a bribe or imprecation this boy’s doubts were melted away like so much butter in the rectory soapdish and he A.J.C.A.P.S.  So he was saved.  But be that as it may, one thing is for sure: that counselor didn’t even start to convince me.  I wanted to be charitable toward this nice old lady on the busy crowded street - not like by giving her money or anything substantial, but just not to assume a peremptoraly derisive posture toward her - but it’s hard not to make fun of her when her material is so very weak.  It’s not like they put this counselor’s phone number in the pamphlet so he could make house calls and awaken the flame of faith in wavering hearts across America.  Well, I don’t know about that actually because one side only was in english and the other was in chinese.  I don’t know if maybe the chinese side made better sense than mine did.  And nice old lady, if you happen to surf over here as you check your stocks and download large jpgs of angels and bunnies, nothing personal but I hope that’s not the best your church can come up with.