Monday, December 23, 2002

And while I’m at it:

And while I’m at it: TWO XMAS REFLECTIONS:

1. I didn’t grow up with xmas traditions of which I was aware, but it turns out that some of the cultural dross in which this season is dredged has stuck to my moist little brain.  I realized it when I saw the Norelco (c)(tm)(sm)(p)(k)(all rights reserved) commercial featuring that porky little santa scooting around on the three-head comfort of a riding-shaver, its rotary blades etching a clean capital “N” through the driven virgin snow.  Santa comes in fast and low, so you can see the heads rotate on his keel, and then he glides in like a hovercraft and just effortlessly burns through the drifts, leaving the Norelco initial proudly melted in the permafrost like a hoary brand… here’s the thing that’s got me ticked off, the heartless bastards of Madison Avenue remade this classic commercial.  I don’t care much about Santa, but I like the commercial, or that little clip of it anyway, and they took it away, replacing it with - exactly the same thing!  They changed the old stop-motion animation for computer-generated animation, but it looks just the same, does the same thing, in the same amount of time… why would they take him away just to replace him with a pale reflection of himself?  It’s another example of change for change’s sake, of busting something down just because it’s standing up, even if the best you can do afterwards is to try to rebuild it as best you can… Or maybe I just resent that, after all the technological improvements they’ve made in animation, ol’ Santa’s still riding the same 1973-style shaver that ripped my flesh in byegone days…

2.  There was a time a week or so ago when I was seeing ads on TV for an xmas special starring Ben and Jerry Stiller, and then there was another commerical for an Adam Sandler holiday opus, and then a commerical for some xmas story starting Jason Alexander... I guess what I was noticing was that these are a bunch of jewish guys out flogging the joy of the season of red and green.  Not anger and money, either, but holly and mistletoe or whatever that stuff is they put in fruitcake.  Or elves, they’re red and green too.  My point is, the Jews of Xmas are upon us.  Because obviously we’ve worn out all the gentiles and without resorting to the people of the tribe we’re likely to lose the holiday spirit altogether, with no one to tell us to celebrate our family ties and wealth of friends and the peace that envelops the whole world, especially the middle east, because if you want to hear about the spirit of Christmas, you’ve got to get with the jews.  That’s my media lesson for this holiday season.  Have yourself a jewish little christmas - and make sure you bring soy sauce, because there *will* be chinese food.