Wednesday, August 13, 2003

Apologies, Emotions, Games and Non-sequiters

One of the things that makes blogging so valuable to me, as I’ve mentioned before, is the sense of community and support I so often feel among my on-line colleagues.  You guys have given me guidance, kind words and a lot of big laffs.  And sometimes you even let me into your lives in painfully private and personal ways so that I can appreciate the vagaries of fate as it tramples each of us in our turn. 

One of my favorite sites is Witt and Wisdom, the creative output of one alleged “CW.” CW has pimped me, berated me, and been one of my most vocal commenters.  I am extremely impressed with the writing I find out here in blogville but he’s in a different class.  When he’s funny he’s hilarious.  When he’s serious he gets right to me and I carry emotions with me all day that are painfully familiar despite having been so recently grafted from some other body’s head. 

Lately CW has had some heavy stuff to share.  I’m not here to sniff his laundry, I’m just recognizing that sometimes challenge and loss conspire to gang up on a person.  He’s written so eloquently about these matters that it’s easy to think he’s got a firm grip on the short hairs of the cosmic crotch.  But that’s what distinguishes a good writer.  I feel that there is a lot going on in CW’s life and heart that will take a while to absorb, if any of it ever makes sense. 

Yesterday I read another potentially powerful, and actually hilarious, CW post about his dad’s health.  It’s a subject that’s been on my mind a lot lately too, and what he said got to me.  I tried writing a glib response, and then a totally off-the-subject response - but afterwards I just felt empty about it.  It’s unusual for me to regret hitting “send” but I did yesterday after my second comment to Witt and Wisdom.

So first I just wanted to tell CW that my silence on serious matters is not to be construed as apathy.  It’s more like being frozen in time and space, feeling compelled to reply but not knowing what to say.  But I’m saying it anyway, so sometimes it comes out wrong or not at all.  Sorry about the circumstances, CW.  Hope things are working out for you and your loved ones the way they’re supposed to. 

Now for two tangents:

The second comment to which I referred above concerned a game that I would like to play with all of you which I am currently calling “Obfuscations,” but which any of you can rename if you come up with a better name for it.  The idea is that, on a given day, people post three stories about themselves, one of which is untrue.  Readers guess in the comments which is the lie.  I think I can get Patricia and Skullbolt on board.  Anybody else want to play?  Maybe next friday, 8/22?

And also: A few days ago I sat with blank pages in my hand, waiting for inspiration to strike me.  I had a lot of words floating around in my head but they weren’t coalescing into any coherent story or under any theme.  I just kept on thinking, “yeah, that sounds good, but what is it saying? and to whom, and why?” - and I couldn’t answer any of those questions so I wrote nothing.  After a few minutes of this, discarding clever locutions because I didn’t know what they meant or where they were going, I gave up on coherence.  (Some may say this happened long ago.  Screw them.)

Here, then, in the incoherent and random order in which they occurred to me, are my new Phrases In Search of a Story:

* a darkness so thick it hurt my eyes
* faster than pain
* disbelief untempered by comprehension
* less an article of faith than a proposition of improbability
* dressed to impress any ex-girlfriends he might encounter
* profundities of irrelevance

If any of you know what I was working toward with any of these snippets, don’t hesitate to crank out a whole story in the comments.  I’d love to find out what I’m talking about.  It might suggest a useful course of therapy.

I know exactly what you mean. You’re moved and so you want to say something, but you don’t know what or how to put it. And then you try but it doesn’t come out right and yet it still seems better than not saying anything.

And then you hit send and you wished you’d just kept your fingers caged.

Sigh. I still think it’s better to try, though.

thanks for setting a date for the game. bobby and i have been going back and forth on this for weeks now. leave it to you to take matters into your own hands and settle things once and for all.

I have two gears: dithering and full speed ahead.  Once I get traction I am a force of nature.  But one of the cool ones, like La Bufadora or the Green Flash.

I hate feeling like I need to make some witty remark when all I really want to do is drive over to said-bloogger’s abode to give ‘em a warm squishy hug. Could you please, in your almightyness, come up with a word for that feeling?

I think I might be able to get on board with The Game (how about naming it after a Bushism, like “disinformationism?"). 

Do we have to tell which story is true/untrue?

ok. i finally got around to posting about the game on my site. it should be interesting to see how many people want to participate.

I like “Disinformation,” though I think it goes back to Regan.  Maybe “Disinformation, Please.” And I can be the DisinforMaven, the guy who knows everything but none of it is true.  Heh.  And the way I’m thinking, after a weekend of having the stories up, we’d identify the false story on the following monday.  Gives people a chance to surf around and play, assuming blogsurfing isn’t an activity confined to the workplace.

Jules, the word that occurs to me after reading your comment may not be the one you’re thinking of - the neologism “fizzlewit” comes spontaneously to my mind to describe my lame attempt at humor under circumstances in which something more emotionally honest is really called for.

Okay okay I had a revellation while leaving a comment at Patricia’s site: I think the name I like for this game is “Pick the Falsie.” Sounds vaguely nippular, and let’s face it, nipples are just fun.  Anybody got a better idea?

Hey, thanks for all that you said.  It’s really quite nice. 

I think just knowing there’s a few people out there who read and like what I have to say fulfills some little fantasy in me that’s tucked away in a darkness so thick, it hurts my eyes.

And you know I’m in for “Obfuscations” or whatever the hell you plan on calling it.

fizzlewit will work just fine. And if you need anyone to sit in on the Obfuscations & Falsies, I’m always game.

i am totally on board for the story-game!
i’ll be sharpening my internet pencil for next friday’s falsies.
boy, that just doesn’t sound good, does it.

i like the game.  never had a need for falsies though.  oops.  did i just say that?  tmi.

when i’m at a loss like that, i usually just say, “dude.” yup.  fizzlewit.

I also need that word for not knowing what to say.  And I also need part of the definition of that word to mean I can relate, my friend - I can relate right now.

I’m worried about Obfuscations.  I don’t think I’ll fool anybody, or my stories will have illustrations that are too sublime for anybody to be able to distinguish them as false (or care whether they’re false).  Oh well, being sucky at something never stopped me from plunging into it before.