Wednesday, March 28, 2007

As Good as It’s Gonna Get

Sports: I note this news item and ask myself, “unprintable song about celery?” Dude, this is the 21st internurt century - nothing is unprintable.  However, much that has been printed cannot be read without deleterious impact on native intellectual capacity, to wit: they’ve gone from Gilbert and Sullivan, to this.  It’s really kind of sad. 

Further sports: Here’s a little quiz, or quizlet, or quizzilini if there are more than one of them.  (singular: quizzilinus.) This may be an easy quiz, but it combines two areas of knowledge that very few people possess simultaneously: entomology and sports.  The question is this: We know that “soccer” is a name derived from the rules of “asSOCiation football,” which was codified in the 19th century.  “Tennis” is derived from the French word “tenez,” for “hold” - like, “hold on - I’m going to hit a wad of felt at you with some tightly strung animal intestines.” ("Hold" seems like the least warning to which one might be entitled in such circumstances.) “Rugby” is the name of the school in England where, in 1823, some joker picked up a soccer ball and ran with it for the first time ever, apparently.  And “golf” is a word that is so ancient that its actual meaning is lost to the mists of time, but probably means either “to strike/cuff” or “club/cudgel.” However, there is one very popular sport which is named after a piece of equipment which is no longer even used in the game itself.  Name the sport!  I dare you! And no peekies!

Nonexistent singulars, continued: My “sudoku mania” book contains puzzles, each of which is a sudokum manium.  Oh yes.

Adorable juvenile nicknames: Zach likes his Curious George books, but I myself really like what he calls that brazen little treeweasel: “Monkey George.” Like Chicken George, but prehensile!  After all, his curiousity is an important personal characteristic, but is obviously trumped by his inherent monkeyness.  Well done, Zebo!

Irrelevant Bonus List: Nonpartisan Shipwrecked European Families that failed to cash in on the fad while they had the chance:
* Swiss Family Romulan
* Swiss Family Robotron
* Swiss Family Right-On
* Swiss Family Robitussin
* Swiss Family Rododendron
* Swiss Family Razzenfrazzen
* Swiss Family Riboflavin
* Swiss Family Rocky IV
* Andorran Family Robinson

and a good Wednesday to you, sir.  I SAID GOOD WEDNESDAY! 

did you not get the memo? i’m done with school so no more more test or quizzes. no more learning period! ain’t shit else getting in here and that’s final!

oh. can i say shit here? oops. i did it again.

is it lacrosse, jai alai, or polo???

Ahh man..you forgot to add
Swiss Family Republican.

And thats Happy Hump Day back to ya.

Peach baskets are no longer used in basketball.

And, oh yeah, crickets have been replaced by a type of beetle.

well done, sir!  Basketball is the answer the judges were looking for.  Cricket is *probably* named after a little stool which is now the “wicket,” or maybe after the club that was used to strike the ball… in either case, there was an evolution in equipment but not a full-on replacement.  James Naismith was using peach baskets, that is correct - and from now on, “peach baskets” will be my epithet of choice.  Feel free to pile on.

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