Sunday, July 24, 2005
Belief
our trip is nigh and the changes afoot beggar my understanding of them. we stayed up past midnight to finish assembling the crib; there are toys and clothes and boxes of diapers and wipes and all manner of babycare materials most everywhere. The thing that’s blowing my mind is that, with all the critical supplies that we suddenly absolutely must have, most everything has shown up thanks to our amazing friends and relatives, the wonderful generous supportive people whom we are so lucky to have surrounding us in this life of ours. They’ve really come through and made this sudden shift into parental overdrive as smooth and seamless as it could be. We are truly blessed to have such great people standing with us and cheering us on; it makes the whole process that much more fulfilling because we are doing it in a community that is gathering around us even as we move forward. This phenomonon fills me with such joy and gratitude that I’m having trouble expressing it. The best I can do is to share this little essay I wrote a few weeks ago, in response to the NPR call for essays about belief. Here are a few things I belive in. I hope you enjoy them for a few days because I don’t expect to post much from Korea. Be back soon, with our baby. He’s very excited to meet all you fine folks out there. And so am I.
I believe in the power of the spirit, because it has moved me in ways I would not have believed myself capable of being moved. It has lifted me from low places; it has enlightened my darkness and calmed my anxiety. It has come upon me unbidden on some occasions, and in response to my pleas on others; it has brought me solace and communion; it has shown me that that which I saw as overwhelming was truly trivial, and that which I sometimes fail entirely to notice is vast and all-encompassing. It creates capacity beyond capability, and impels us to incessant advancement. I have felt it ebb and flow within me. I know from my own experience that the human spirit exists.
I believe in pain, and in happiness. I have felt both. They both take many forms, and can shift infuriatingly, one into the other. When I hear people speak of unbearable joy, or of pain so deep that it shatters the soul, I can believe them even if I do not feel it myself. I can hear it in their voices - voices that come from a place where experience exceeds the ability of the flesh to contain it. I may not feel what they feel, but I can believe that they feel it.
And I believe in love. It isn’t everywhere; it masquerades, and other things masquerade as it. It, too, has innumerable aspects and modes of expression. Hate is hate is hate, but love is unique each time it is felt. It creates strength out of weakness, and weakness out of strength; it binds and soothes; it wrenches and aches. It can bring all other things into a new perspective, rendering them more important than ever, or utterly irrelevant. It is the overarching power that, if attained, potentiates the rest of the universe.
Thus, the human spirit struggles and strives; and pain and happiness furnish the chambers of our lives - the frescoes and filigree that render our experience bearable or excruciating… but it is love that pushes us toward our highest calling and supports us as we reach for it. The spirit is as resilient as sinew, and pain and joy are as yielding and responsive as our skin and tongue and flesh - but love is all-encompassing, like our vision; it is the force that brings us to these others and encourages us to broaden our view of our essential potential. I have felt it in myself; I have felt it from others. It is beyond any one person; it is, by definition, super-personal. It is the greatest power available to us. Anyway, I believe it is. And I believe that’s all I’ll say about it for now.
