Thursday, October 23, 2003

Birds of a Feather

So I was on my way home today from a bit of an event my volunteer gig was sponsoring, and I noticed that I was on a “theme bus.” I’m realizing, slower than maybe I ought to have, that busses are only sometimes totally random agglomerations of humanity.  Sometimes random isn’t so random.  Sometimes you flip “heads” two dozen times in a row, sometimes you win at Pachinko, and sometimes the people on the bus have much more in common with each other than mere chance would dictate.  Tonight, for example, I was on a shave-head boys bus, followed by a trip on a selfish space-hoggers bus.  I had a few moments on that second bus to compile the following taxonomy of bus populations, which I present for your edification and rider-spotting amusement.  See if you can complete a whole list, for a special Chucklehut prize!

* Shave-head Boys Bus
* Selfish Space-hoggers Bus
* Skanky Sluts Bus
* Insane Drunk Vagrants Bus
* Uptight Whitemen Bus
* Angry Ancient Chinese Women Bus
* Elementary School Field Trip Bus
* High School Louts Bus
* Lovers of Literature Bus
* Gay Pick-up Bus
* Loud Cellphone Users Bus
* Food-eaters Bus
* Sad Sick Old People Bus
* Stinky Sleazeballs Bus
* Sullen Skaters Bus
* Graceful Fragrant Lovely Persons Bus (mythical)

This was where I had to excuse myself from my bus full of selfish space-hoggers who were all taking up extra seats and aisle space with the crap they couldn’t bear to hold on their widespread laps.  If I’ve missed any important subcategories, please don’t hesitate to let me know.  I’d hate to overlook a sighting just because I wasn’t attuned to it.

how about a slutty lovers of literature bus? not that i would know anybody who would be on it per se. i’m just saying. i like to cover all the bases, you know.

see, that bus would cause a problem for me.  I’d either never get to work, never get home, or possibly both.  Regardless, in selfless dedication to furthering the state of public knowledge on this subject, I will scour the city for this elusive quarry.  Yow.

Ya know, I used to sneak onto the Drunk Vagrants Bus (just for fun, of course), but to hell with that. I’m getting on Patricia’s bus!

i’ve been on many of those busses!!  this list made me laugh out loud.

i do think you forgot the hippy bus, though.

yeah - the merry prankster bus with Neil Cassidy drivin

you people may very well not realize it, but i actually belong on the Angry Ancient Chinese Woman Bus.

i cover my ancient angry chineseocity with a mask of this young, hip charming urbanite.

but really, all day i ride on busses with other angry chinese ancients and complain about my feet and long for the old country.

I have spent many a night looking for that hippie bus.  Occasionally I am the hippie bus.  But to find my compadres, all on the same vehicle.... that has yet to occur. 

And K - I will give you a mooncake if you stop it with the elbows in my kidneys.  I can’t get any further out of the way.  I’m sorry about the collectivation of your farm but I can’t do anything about it until I get off the bus.  Can’t we all just get along?

i want to take the “we share a seat but your buttocks are no where near mine” bus.  i hate touching someone else flank to flank.

someone i don’t know i mean.

or find hot.

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