Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Circles from Circles

Okay, I took a day off and you’d better get used to it.  I’ve had a big week or so, and I have lots and lots of stuff stored up to share, but there’s no time for that now.  No time for the fabulous dinner party at Mitch and Catharine’s place ("Soylent green is people.... and we’re the people of Soylent Green"); no time for the interesting characters on the 38; no time for the wonderful birthday party at Ralph’s place or the delightful supper we had with Dave and Kim and the munchkins.  No time, even, for the blogger meetup at Q for ribs, tater tots, tentacles and big Robot Chicken giggles.  What is there time for?  The Circle, baby.... the Circle of Life. 

Monday I went with Kel to Hills of Eternity in Colma, to attend the memorial ceremony for my beloved Aunt Jean.  Technically, she was the wife of my first cousin once removed; actually, she was the avatar of style for the west coast branch of my tightly-knit and deeply connected family.  She never gave in to the cancers and lung diseases and other debilitating illnesses she’d fought for a year and more.  Regardless, even without giving in, she was overtaken by them last week, and yesterday we bade her farewell, with sorrow at her loss and joy at the blessing of having known her. 

I’ve been to a few funerals before, though not many, but this one had one aspect that will really stick with me: we were standing at the gravesite and her casket had been laid to rest at the bottom of the grave.  Then the rabbi told us a koan about a ship leaving the harbor to cheers and celebrations, and a ship arriving at the same time with no ceremony or recognition; he asked us to ask ourselves why we should be cheering for a ship that faces uncertain fates, for which the future is an unwritten letter - when we can congratulate the vessel that has safely and successfully returned to a home port, evading perils, outlasting threats.  The cheers should be for those that negotiate the course and come back wiser, greater, more loved than when they first left.  And that is why we were celebrating Jean, whose journey was an inspiration to us all.

The rabbi then taught us a tradition: our community takes it as a solemn responsibility to perform burials ourselves - to participate personally in this act of return.  The dirt from the grave was piled high behind him, with two shovels stuck in it.  He told us to step up, if we wished, and empty some dirt into the grave - but to distinguish this act from ordinary, garden-variety shovellings by turning the blade of the shovel upsidedown.  It would make us think and concentrate on the act we were undertaking - a holy act.  No less holy than turning the ground for new crops, or digging them up for the supper table… but differently holy.  I’ve heard so many times, in movies and on television: the sound of dirt hitting that subterranean wooden surface.... but this time, in person, it felt really different, down in my bones.  And even with all the shovelling I’ve ever done - and I have done some shovelling - this was one heavy spade of soil.  But Jean was an amazing woman, and I know that it didn’t bury her - it just gave her spirit fertile ground in which to grow.

But here’s the wild thing: we stopped off at home after the memorial service, on our way to a family lunch at Uncle Jim’s house, and found a message waiting for us on our answering machine.  We checked it.  It was our social worker, letting us know: “Your little guy is ready to travel." We have two weeks from yesterday to get to Korea and pick him up.  This was supposed to happen in OCTOBER, people.  We’re now frantically painting the crib and arranging for flights and making lists of people who have to be contacted and things that have to be obtained and dealt with and postponed.... My head is spinning.  I’m going to have a baby boy very soon - five months old and medically diagnosed as “cute and alert.” What a trip.  In so many freaking ways.

SO.  So I’ve got to do a lot of things around the house, and I’ve got to do them fast.  After that, I’ll have nothing but time.  And by “after that” I mean sometime around 2020 - the year, not the ocular prescription.  So here’s my deal: I’ll keep posting when I can, but it may not be the daily deal I’ve done so far.  Anyway, I disavow in advance any guilt for missing the quotidian post thing.  There’s too much going on.  It’s been a big week or so.... but if I thought that was intense, I have no idea what’s in store.  I just know it’s going to be one hell of a lot of fun.

and so the parental descent into madness begins...hang on tight, it’s going to be the best bumpy ride of your life.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

there aren’t words enough to tell you how happy i am for you and kel. and oh god, the baby! he’s one fortunate little boy and i can’t wait to hear more. fyi, i’m happy to babysit any time and i’ll do it for free ... provided you supply airfare of course. :D we’ll deduct it from the million you owe me. ha. you thought i’d be all sweet and kind and let it go now that you’re a dad but dude, business is business and i take that very personally. ;-)

Thanks for sharing the story about your Aunt - it was beautiful.

And what wonderful news to return to! Congratulations on your new baby boy!

again, I’m trying not to burst into tears of joy while reading your blog! My friend had a similar experience when adopting her daughter from Russia… the paperwork was completed one day, and four days later they were scheduling a flight to Moscow to meet their new daughter. It takes so long to get the process going and then all of a sudden one day you have a baby. I’m so happy that you get to have your baby with you so soon!

OH...sweetie, that’s just the best ever news.  What a beautiful send off for your Aunt and then a new arrival.  Divine order my friend, it’s all in divine order.

Blessings and love and support and boy oh boy get ready for the ride.

Very poetic!  Life truly works in mysterious ways.

Onward, “auntie“ Jeannette will be happy to offer baby-sitting service. 

Congrats!!

Cute and alert, eh?  Sounds like a good story but I note they’re dumping the kid ahead of schedule.  But no worries--you’ll be calming influence on the young rapscallion. That painted crib will soothe him right down.

so how many more Korean words do you think you’ll be able to memorize in the next three weeks...?  :)

congrats man—to you and Kel both.  i can’t wait to meet your new little one!

There’s way too much emotion in this post for me to respond accordingly.  You know how I get all weepy and explody with my emotions.  Bless you in all things, my man.

Beautiful post.  So happy for you.  This is a time you will remember all of your life.

Woo, that is awesome. I know you are going to be a great dad. Have fun and write when you can, we can wait!

I would say I am sorry for the passing of your aunt, but as you say ‘it was a blessing’ for you to have known her so I will say instead, that I am glad that you did and that you are able to recognize the blessing. Also, I am once again so excited for you both I can hardly stand it, and if its any consolation I dont know how I’ll get the mystery baby gift done in time -heh!

Matel Tov!!! I didn’t even know you were doing this. I was thinking the other day you and Kel need a kid. Oh man Dan....just wait....kids change you so completly and all for the better. And like you said, amazing is the circle of life.

I am in tears with happiness for you. Congratulations! Of course, “Mia” may sound a little nerdy for a boy’s name, but nonetheless, I nominate myself to be the namesake! ;-)

It truly is the circle of things… of all the things that you deserve. I am so very very excited for you, it’s indescribable.

much love to you and Kel. xoxoxo

I hear babies cry somewhere over the trees of green and I think to myself: what a wonderful once in a lullaby and the dreams that you dare to really do. really do.

oh dan, i am so sorry i missed this when you first posted it.  what wonderful, exciting, and probably kind of scary news!

i am delighted for you.  you and kel will be excellent parents for the little guy.  congratulations and all best heartfelt wishes for your upcoming travel - and family.  :)

I am so happy for you! This truly is a blessing… and what wonderful timing. Maybe your Aunt had something to do with it...? I believe there are no coincidences. Blessings on you all.

How exciting for you both. And for once, to get a good message on your answering machine.  Have you picked out a name yet?