Monday, March 08, 2004
Drugstore Cowboy Poet
Walgreens continues to be a place of bizarre experiments in language surrealism. I recently got a prescription refilled there and saw that they were served by two pharmacists, both of whom were proudly identified by college and slogan. One, from UCSF, is described as “Healing with Patience.” The other, from apparent local rival UOP, is said to be “Serving the Community.” I’m wondering why these two are contraposed against each other. I guess one of them is willing to take as long as necessary to get someone feeling better, but just one particular person. The community at large is going to have to wait, goddamn it. On the other hand, her rival is going to take on everybody’s problems, each and every one of us, howsoever we require help, so long as we live locally. However, we can’t be assured that his ministrations will heal us. We’ll just be “served,” and that will have to do. Sometimes service is good enough, but sometimes a fellow needs a bit of healing - even if he’s just another member of “the community.” Maybe I could get them to tag-team me. Talk about your “fourteen service basics!”
Another Walgreen’s language quirk concerns the generic deodorant Kel recently got for me there. Why not get the half-price double-size speed stick knockoff product from the friendly neighborhood megachain? The name should have been a tip-off: “Action Stick.” That’s a name obviously chosen to make up for a material deficit -something important that’s just gone missing. Like “action,” for example. Upon trying this product, I found it to be more like an “Acrid Stick.” I smelled better when I just bathed in bacon grease and motor oil like I usually do. I’ve ditched the Action Stick, but I do kind of wish they sold t-shirts with the logo. I may have been pungent, but my action had never been stickier, nor my stick more active.
