Tuesday, August 05, 2003

For Fire Open Stairwell Door

The fire-escape emergency stairwell is near my desk, so I sometimes use it for short trips to other floors.  That’s how I know that the landing on those stairs closest to my desk has two red emergency phones on the wall, one of which is labled “Local Fire Emergency Phone.” (I suppose that’s so we use the other phone for long distance fire emergencies, or to ring up Commissioner Gordon if the bat signal is illuminated....) Near these wall-mounted telephones is a jack for plugging in another telephone, labled “Fire Emergency Jack.” There’s also a red panel on the wall next to it labled “Fire Emergency - Open Door to Operate.” In the midst of all these is a small plaque with instructions on what to do in an emergency.  This plaque is stained and carbonized as if someone tried to set it ablaze.  I guess with all that emergency equipment standing ready, someone just had to have a little emergency.  You know the type.

On the lobby level in our building, by the elevator, there’s a sign that reads, “In case of fire, use stairs.” I always want to cross out stairs and put “...fire, use the damn door you idiot!” But that would not be nice. And, as we all know, I’m all about the niceness.

I know. I’m sweet like that.

I know you’re sweet.  But not like that.  And I’m totally with you on the ground-level sign that tells people to use the stairs in case of a fire.  It’s like, “in case of fire, run thoughtlessly into the flames.  While wearing a sterno jumpsuit and a cordite necktie.”

You crack me up.