Wednesday, February 05, 2003

GET OFF THE PHONE One

GET OFF THE PHONE
One of the things I was most excited about with my new cell phone (not like I had an old one, the whole thing is pretty new to me) was the vibe function.  Noting that you can’t spell “vibe function” without “be fun,” I figured it would live up to advanced billing.  It’s vibed off on me three times now and I’m learning when it works and when it doesn’t.  If I’m moving, or on a bus, I can’t feel it, even if it’s crammed in a pants pocket.  If it’s next to me on a surface, I can hear it humming.  And if I’m sitting quietly, I can feel it - almost (but not quite) as intense as the purring of an underweight and suspicious kitten.  Pretty weak.  There go my weekend plans of taping the phone to my person and calling myself - I’d get more gratification from my phone playing “mystic I-Ching” on it and trying to memorize my new number.  “Vibe function” is tantamont to a misnomer.  I vibrate more with sheer force of personality.  And I’m available for parties.  (Mystic I-Ching readings are also available for a small additional charge.)