Thursday, January 02, 2003

I think y’all are taking

I think y’all are taking this whole “2003” thing way too seriously.  It’s not like this will be the last chance we have to get stuff done.  If some of you are considering ambitious self-improvement programmes that don’t get completed by December 03, loosen up - you’ve still got years after that to deal with anything left over.  Let’s depressurize this “new year” thing and ease up a bit on the resolutions.  And if you can’t, if you’re constitutionally incapable of letting well-enough alone and feel compelled to have an agenda of personal growth for the next 12 months, here are a few resolutions I’m not currently using - feel free to add extras for those for whom Santa didn’t bring a special bag of guilt.  Some people just don’t have enough pressure in their lives. 

Stop eating stuff just because its weird - unless it’s really really weird
Close cover when striking
Use more food coloring on both food and non-food items
Stand proud - even when seated
Learn the weight-loss secrets of movie stars
Slash prices so low you’ll think I’m insane
Carry Lysol everywhere and spray it liberally
Probe for hidden truths
Support the Bottom
Impose my will