Wednesday, October 09, 2002

SLUTTY DUTCHESS - or how to french your toast but good

isn’t it about damn time to throw another egg at the RECIPE CORNER?

So you think you’re too good for french toast, do you?  You’re probably right, it’s usually all goopy and chewy, bland and floppy… are these the adjectives you want in your mouth first thing in the a.m.?  Hell no and who’d blame you.  Well I would because you’re making it wrong, you shameful puppy.  Here’s what you meant to do when you thought french toast was a good idea:

(note added 4/06: as I exhume this entry from the limbo of not having a category assigned, I note that this product now has a new name.  I was serving it up to Tara and Phil one fine morning and someone called it “the queen of breakfast foods.” I demurred, insisting that title be saved for the blintz souffle, but that if the B.S. was the queen of breakfast foods, this was surely the SLUTTY DUTCHESS:)

start out with THINLY sliced WHITE bread.  It’s a little hard to find but don’t give up so easily or you’ll never respect yourself.  Next whip out the cream cheese - full fat, soy-free, don’t play games with the eternal verities - and the orange marmalade.  No substitutions - lesser jellies can’t stand up to this recipe.  Take two slices of bread and smear the cream cheese on one, marmalade on the other; press them together to make a sandwich.  Repeat till you have enough for everybody. 

Now you gotta make batter:  this is delicate work.  I use two eggs - beaten well - added to a cup of delicious whole milk - it should be a bit thinner than nog.  You need enough for all the sandwiches, so do the math and make your best guess.  Add cinnamon, nutmeg (nurtmeg) and allspice to taste; remember the nurtmeg is stronger than it looks.  Secret ingredient: also add some orange blossom essence in place of some of the milk, again to taste, my god do I have to tell you everything? 

Now you have sandwiches and batter.  Heat a skillet with some oil in it till water drops dance screaming on the surface.  While it’s getting hot, cut the sandwiches into triangles.  If you need instructions on this part you shouldn’t be playing with the stove.  Get a triangle nice and wet in the batter - let it rest a few seconds on each side before removing it to the skillet.  Use tongs and a spatula to flip it and fry the edges.  Serve with some maple syrup that you’ve been simmering with dried cranberries or dried blueberries in it at low heat for 20 minutes or so.  Now that’s french toast even the french would be proud of.  of which even the french would be proud.  oh shut up.