Monday, December 20, 2004
Lessons Learned
This has been a great weekend of deckening and schneckening. I’ll fill in some of those details later; I don’t have time to deal with the photos right now. In the meantime, it’s been brought to my attention that some of you didn’t watch The Apprentice, and therefore didn’t learn the valuable lessons that I picked up during this recently-concluded broadcast of a “fifteen-week job interview.” So here, as a public service, are TEN LESSONS I LEARNED FROM WATCHING SEASON 2 OF THE APPRENTICE, SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO:
* TiVo RULES.
* Men are more willing than woment to be filmed immediately upon rolling out of bed first thing in the morning.
* Rudy Guiliani and Regis Philbin are both whores, and significantly interchangeable ones at that.
* Don’t let strangers in the park trim your dog’s nails, unless you like the sound of your pet yelping in pain.
* Taking off your clothes on the streets of the city is not a foolproof means of professional advancement or corporate success.
* If the boss has made a final decision, agree with it.
* It doesn’t matter if you’re a national debate champion - you will lose any argument if you let people just scream at you for long enough.
* Don’t talk trash about someone who is nearby and listening - unless you really want that person to overhear you.
* Actual experience beats academic education more often than not.
* The boss can wear any necktie, no matter how ugly, or any hairstyle, not matter how garrish, and you still have to act like the boss has impeccable fashion sense.
These lessons will not inevitably lead you to success; the season winner broke several of them but still managed to score his dream job. However, following these rules might help you avoid unnecessary failures and defeats, and that’s worth something, isn’t it?
With that, I’ll leave you for the day. This Monday has great potential, I think. I intend to make the most of it. Naked public dog-grooming arguments, here I come!
