Monday, March 03, 2003

Let’s get back on track

Let’s get back on track with a note from the walls of Clement Street.  What with the number of women I’m meeting these days who have taken, or are taking, self-defense classes, you can bet I’ve been on my best behavior.  But I’ll be positively paranoid about not offending people now that I see the ads for the Grand Opening of Authentic Jeet Kune Do, featuring an asian man grinning sadistically with spiky short hair and a deadly muscular physique.  He’s offering ongoing classes and a variety of other options including “Group Classes / Woman’s Class / Weapons Class / Privates.” You can see how he got my attention.  I guess that ‘group classes’ are taught to groups and the ‘woman’s class’ is taught to women.  I’m hoping the weapons class isn’t being taught *to* weapons, but helps you defend against them or maybe to use them.  And then there’s the kicker - so to speak: does he want to teach my privates to defend themselves?  (This re-defines the notion of the ‘offensive weapon.’) Or is this a generic reference to low-ranking military non-coms?  I have this image of army grunts being taught to disable each other with their wangs.  More likely, he’ll just be showing people how to falsetto-ize me.  So I’m being very careful now not to upset anybody who might have learned the mystic secrets of this deadly art.  (Present company excepted, of course.) The wang can be used for good as well as evil…