Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Life doesn’t just give you lemons.  You gotta take them.

wow, my listmaking abilities seem to have finally found an outlet.  obviously I’m setting the world on fire with this stuff.  that’s why I can’t stop the magic - the lists are just making themselves and I’m only the conduit.  given this fact, I am obliged to present to you another list:

OTHER THINGS TO DO BESIDES MAKING LEMONADE WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS

* Make lemon bombs.
* Make lemon schnapps.
* Hide behind a bush and huck lemons at garbage cans and pedestrians.
* Make an army of super-powerful mutant lemons to bring your evil avaricious fantasies to nightmarish reality.
* Wait for life to give you some nice meringue.
* Just whack them with a baseball bat right there in your living room.
* Feed them to zoo animals, who always need more citrus in their diets.
* Give each lemon a name and dress them all up in little outfits.
* Just leave them in a sack and forget about them till most of them have that gross grey mold all over them.
* Sit back and enjoy that fresh “just disinfected” scent.
* Sell your lemons for a profit in a relatively lemon-poor market.
* Try eating a goddamn lemon for once in your life.

my grandmother used to suck on lemons. boy, was i in for a rude awakening the time i begged her to let me have a slice. she refused until i made an absolute pest out of myself. now, whenever i think about that moment all i remember is the explosion in my mouth, squinching my eyes shut and my grandmother laughing her head off. :sigh: good times, good times.

You can make a clock out of lemons, too. It’s true - I learned it on ZOOM! And you can make a clock out of a potato. What’s so great about clocks anyway? Anybody with a lemon or a potato can make one. Geez.

you could SELL those lemons—100% profit if someone gives ‘em to ya! C’mon chuckles—where’s your American Spirit? Are you a capitalist or not??

Have you ever eaten a pickled lemon? It soaks in brine and saffron for few weeks and then you eat it rind, seeds and all. Very puckery.

I encountered someone who ate an entire orange, rind and all ... granted, it wasn’t a lemon; but it was still strange.

my favorite is to combine the contents contained within the rind of a lemon with vodka and sugar… mmmm.....!!

Good God man, I couldn’t eat that many lemons. It would eat a hole in my stomach from all the acid!

That’s quite a scintillant citrus list you’ve got there, sparky.

A bit of personal trivia: I eat lemons the way other people eat oranges. Now even you must admit, that’s pretty goddamn fascinating.

Or, you can give them to your one-year-old niece when her mom isn’t looking, just to see the expression on her face when she first sucks on it...and then laugh harder when she likes it:)

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