Monday, July 11, 2005
Phlorida Fotos - part II: Landscapes
oooookay… looks like fiction isn’t where it’s at for the chucklehut these days, judging by the thundering lack of comments for yesterday’s conclusion to my little teaser of a story. No, that’s okay. I’ll sit in the dark. I can stand to do so, because I did spend a good bit of time recently down in the Sunshine State - Funny Slorida. In fact, just to prove it to ya, here’s a few photos of the lay of the land in what Sigmund Freud might have called, “America’s Cigar.”
The main thing that I had to adjust to in Florida is the water. It’s ubiquitous, and appears in so many forms. Of course, there’s the ocean on all sides - 770 miles of coastline. But then there’s Okeechobee, the enormous lake that punctuates the peninsula; there’s the intracoastal waterway that improbably splits expensive real estate from the real rest of the state; there’s rivers and bays and estuaries and boat canals and other canals all hither and yon; there’s goddamn lakes everywhere... and there’s puddles that never seem to dry because of the daily rain, and there’s the amazing towering cumulus clouds from which that rain pours forth, and the freaked-out hybrids of land and water that are the mangrove swamps and the everglades.... and this says nothing about the humidity that makes being outside sort of like being in that part of a car wash that sprays you with a fine mist of heated liquid, except in Florida, as things turn out, it’s not simonizing solution. Which just means you still have to take a shower and do your own self-buffing.
Anyway, here are a few photos of the landscape in florida. Hope you enjoy them. If not, don’t tell me. I’m feeling a bit fragile. As if you’d know anything about that, you beast.
Let’s start with the ocean, just off Hollywood Beach. It was too hot for most anyone to be outside, so I was able to get a few nice shots without the distracting influence of hotties and beachstuds. I don’t know, I found it refreshing.
Next thing was a visit to the mangrove swamps. I can’t believe that anyone ever actually traversed these places - they’re mostly water, sort of methany and sulfurous-smelling, full of weird little crabs and biting critters and all sorts of things I wouldn’t want to deal with on a one-to-one basis. Luckily, they built some cool boardwalks for us so we could wander around without getting our feet wet. Here, then, is a bit of the swamp shore, one boardwalk, and a view of the interior of the roof of the gazebo at the end of the path:
Never let it be said that I’d pass up a nice hunk of rusted metal, either. Maybe it’s not nature at her most natural, but this sort of thing always put me in mind of the natural forces at work on all of humankind’s creations. I shot this right outside Las Vegas - the cuban restaurant one, not the goodfellas one. It didn’t come out the way I expected it to, but I like it anyway.
Finally, we took an airboat ride through the everglades. All I can say is, Gentle Ben must have been one damn tough bear because that is not “friendly” country. Beautiful, yes; friendly, no. Our airboat was substantial and the tour was entertaining; I’ll share a few shots of wildlife later on. In the meantime, here’s what we saw of the land itself:
This last one was what they call a “trail.” Really, it’s a ditch dug by the Army Corps of Engineers when they tried to drain what is, in reality, a huge river. The water is very clean, and apart from the spiders that’ll rot your limbs off, the explosive-diarrhea-inducing apples, the flesh-rending sawgrass and the occasional whachucallem alligator, it was all very idyllic. From inside the boat it was, anyway. Speaking of which, this ride is over. See you tomorrow for something more wordacious. Sorry, dude. That’s my style. Don’t forget to grab a souvenier skeeterbite on your way out, and gratuities are gladly accepted. Just stuff’em in my waistband when I’m not looking.
