Thursday, October 23, 2003

Private Inquiries

So, you’re on public transportation, facing in (not forward, as regular hutters might have already guessed).  Across from you sits an attractive young woman, stylishly dressed with a short skirt and sassy shoes, who is totally engrossed in the book she’s reading.  You glance up to her every so often and her eyes are locked to the pages, which she turns with the hunger of the famished at supper.  She sat demurely when she took her seat, but as her attention locks more intensely on her reading, you notice that her knees have slowly drifted apart, well beyond the limits of modesty.  You can see both England and France. 
1) Should you (I) look?
2) Should I (you) say anything to her?

This inquiry reminds me that I tried to send an email to a good friend a few days ago.  Having not heard back from him, I asked his wife, also a good friend, if I had his address correctly.  She wrote back promptly to confirm that the address I was using was in fact correct, but that he was really just using his work email lately - I should try that one, and she attached it for my convenience.  This friend has a name that is neither utterly common nor particularly unusual - he shares a surname with a famous city.  His company uses a common convention for creating email addresses - first initial, last name, at (company).com.  When his wife sent his address, her computer spell-checked it and offered an alternative; she accepted it unthinkingly.  I had to write back and confirm, was I really supposed to be sending him a note to condom@(company).com? 

She replied with the corrected version.  I have learned a valuable lesson: sometimes it’s good to have a last name that no computer can even hope to mistake for anything sexual, medical, or any combination of the two.  Unless “ass panic” becomes an accepted DSM-4 diagnosis, I guess....

I think it would be okay to use the generic “I see England, I see France ...” under the circumstances, but it works better with her name.  Perhaps you should ask her name first before you stand and point and start your rhyme.  It might work better lyrically.

i dunno, billy.......you can always use “someone’s” in place of the name.  it still scans.

oh, and “ass panic”.......too funny!

i always thought it was “i see GERMANY, i see france...” sheesh.  wonder what germany is. 

oh, that damned spell is stoopid.  my boss just pointed out to me that i e-mailed a customer that we would “shit” the material back to them…

spell CHECK.  spell CHECK.  proofread, dammit!

Dude, what makes you think that the girl with the book doesn’t know she’s exposing Western Europe to the general public? She knows, my friend, she knows.

I was in Wendy’s one time eating lunch and this lady was with her boyfriend or husband.  They were kind of flirting across the table with eachother - you know.  She was seated facing me and facing a couple of other lone male dorks sitting feeding their faces.  Well - this lady - and she was hot, I mean HOT - she was doing the same thing your attractive young lady was doing, except, I saw neither England nor France - if you know what I mean!  This lady had an agenda - I mean she was spreadin them far, just laughin along with whatever her boyfriend was sayin, leaning forward, leaning back - glancing at me and the other two dorks, making sure we were looking at her . . .

this is the problem with boston—the women here all wear pants.

“ass panic” sounds like what happened to me the morning after way too much beer and denny’s in vegas.

I’d look, and I’d not tell her.  She wouldn’t get embarassed if she doesn’t know it happened.  Or, if she’s doing it on purpose, she’d be happy to know it worked.

Go ahead and look, as long as you don’t stick your head up her skirt for a better view. You have to know her really well to do that.

As for telling her, I find that discussing abortion policy with strange women tends to make them snap their legs together and write you off. So, it depends on what you’re trying to accomplish here.

Eh, go ahead, take a peek. She’ll probably feel you looking at her and then snap her legs shut.

Just so y’all don’t treat me like some kind of sicko, damn straight I was looking, and not just a glance.  I have seen women doing the intentional flash, but I didnt’ think that’s what was going on this time.  It made me feel voyeuristic and dirty to peek.  But in a good way, of course. 

I was thinking of firing a rubberband up there, but the only thing I had wasn’t exactly band-shaped.

I think you should have just said “thank you” very politely as you (or she) left the bus.

you know she did it just for you.

she should wear shorts. us catholic school girls wore shorts under our skirts. because stairs are a major problem.

fire escapes are a problem.

Problems are just opportunities that haven’t found their way to actualization.  Time to hit the fire alarm and make a few new friends.

Dear god, no, don’t bring back the skort.

Here’s the passive-aggressive take:  If you think that she’s oblivious to her display, then you owe it to all involved to just look and say nothing.  But if you think, as Jules does, that she knows she’s doing it (perhaps an empowerment thing), then you should say, “Close your legs, sweetie.”

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