Monday, January 05, 2004

Scotch Guard for Weirdos

To keep the dog off the furniture, we scared him - about 12 years ago.  We put some pennies in a soda can and when he hopped on the couch we shook it at him.  He freaked and now avoids soda cans on furniture with a seriousness I reserve for the “seafood surprise.” Over the years we’ve put together a particularly strange collection of cans for the three pieces of furniture we want to keep dog-free: the green couch, the brown couch, and Zerline’s club chair.  These are all significant and personable hunks of upholstery, and deserve better than an old diet coke or generic lime soda can.  So our current stock of “anti-dog cans” is as follows:

Vilac Shikhye Rice Punch (shake before serving)
Coco Palm Grape Juice Drink (Muscat)
“New" Sac Sac Orange

Frankly, I’m starting to get a little worried about sitting on those sofas myself.  That’s some damn weird beverage cans huddling out there.  I’m just going to hunker down over here in the back of the house with my nice normal rice milk and hope they don’t notice me.  The dog, once again, seems to have the right idea.

just looking at the sac sac orange can makes *me* not want to sit on your couches, either.

So, where does Fido relax?  On the FLOOR?

And I suppose Fido isn’t allowed to hop into the sack at night, either.  You WOULD deny Fido that simple pleasure after a long day of being driven crazy by “THE CANS ... THE CANS!”

Hey, I got an idea ... try tha trick with a kid.  Then the kid won’t go near the pop machine (or “soda” can dispensing machine) at school.

Cosmo has three very comfortable dogbeds especially designed for his unique needs.  And yes, they stay on the floor, as he does.  I don’t want a 100-lb drool factory getting the sleep-twitches on my bed.  I mean, other than myself.  The goddamn CAT is enough trouble on the bed as it is. 

And Bryan, if you come over I promise to “de-can” in advance.  It’s the hostly thing to do.  And it is strange to me that the SacSac was actually the most palatable of the three beverages.  Sounds like a euphemism for a jockstrap.

my ex and I got a puppy shortly before we were married… she was less than 6 weeks old (and bound for the pound if we didn’t intervene) and smaller than our cats. We took pity on her and let her sit on the furniture—the cats could, so why not the dog? Well, the tiny puppy turned into a small dalmatian who though it was normal to stretch across the couch on top of us.

I wish I knew about the beverage can trick back then!

i always swore by the can trick.  brought the boxers to their boxer knees.  my big boxer won’t even come into the same room with THE CAN.  but the beagle likes to catch it, chase it, and chew it.