Friday, October 13, 2006
Sign Me Up
So, in my neighborhood there are a lot of crosswalks near big boulevards or highways, where ignorant and thoughtless people frequently wander into traffic. Tragically, they are not smashed by trucks and promptly voided from my reality; rather, they cause screeching auto accidents and untold drama as they gape like brain-damaged deer into the oncoming headlights-with-the-right-of-way. I mean, I think it’s a good idea to walk if you don’t need to drive, but have some common sense, people. Stop-look-listen. These boneheads who wander into traffic deserve what they should be getting, which is a fender in the gut and a quick trip to the wide, welcoming pavement. And plenty of delicious sutures.
Instead, they got a nice bright crosswalk with the wide paint-stripes that run like piano keys from curb to curb, so they can strut their geriatric, culturally-displaced, or simply thoughtless selves safely from one side of California Street to the other. And for those vehicles unfortunate enough to get caught on the wrong side of those tottering oafs, the good people of Signs-a-Lot have installed two – yes, two! – special signs on little posts in the middle of the street. These seem designed to keep drivers from forgetting they’re not actually allowed to plow right through the dribbling strand of enfeebled humanity that block the traffic like baconfat blocks my cardiac arteries.
These signs deserve a little more attention, because, well, I say so. The signs are tall thin rectangles that have a small red triangle - the “yield” symbol, then the word “TO”, then a little stick-figure pedestrian in full-on street-crossing mode. But there’s one more thing: at the top it very clearly says, “STATE LAW”.
Here’s my question: why would they need to say that? Do they think that we’d just ignore the signs because we’d think they were just making it up, about not running over people in the street? But there wasn’t room to put in “OPTIONAL SUGGESTION”? Or “NEWS FLASH”? Or “EXPERTS AGREE”?
And then, it’s not just that they’re telling us that the street sign about stopping your car before you smush somebody in a crosswalk describes current law – it’s clearly specified to be State law. Like if it was a local ordinance, you’d just roll on over those poor suckers, but since it’s coming out of Sacramento, we’d better pay a little more attention. The whole thing really seems redundant. Redundant. Needlessly repetitive. That is, redundant.
UNLESS: here’s where I get into the creative thinking side of this post: maybe it’s not saying what I think it says. Maybe “STATE” isn’t an adjective – it’s a verb. Maybe they want to inculcate this important nugget of public safety legislation into our heads through the classic pedagogical tactic of recitation. They aren’t saying, “don’t drive your Hummer through a chain of pre-schoolers because the Traffic Code prohibits it” – they’re saying “Say it with me, peoples! Yield it up to them Pedestrians!” It’s a little call-and-response chant! State your name. State your business. State the law: Triangle to Walkingman!
Now I feel that I ought to repeat it every time I drive over that crosswalk. And I would, too. It’s just that those old people keep getting stuck under my car and distracting me.
