Tuesday, September 09, 2003

Sokkittome

I’m taking pages today out of two of my favorite books (figuratively speaking).  On one hand, a good on-line friend sent a semi-private email which reached me as well as about 90 other people on Friendster last week, reflecting on that organization’s suggestion that he “tell people what he’s looking for.” He therefore asked for help locating his “nice socks.” Well that certainly resonated with me, as I’ve lost so many nice sox that I’ve taken to just drawing an argyle pattern on my ankles with multicolored sharpies.  There are, however, a lot of things in my sock drawers that aren’t socks, and sometimes they keep me from finding what I’m looking for. 

Then Jules came along with a stunning and poetic post yesterday cataloguing the contents of her keepsake box.  Well I was about ready to catalogue my sock drawers anyway, but now I feel that I have to do so - but with full recognition that Jules has kicked my ass and my random crap doesn’t rise to the level of a keepsake even if you melt it all together and put it in a nice heart-shaped box.  But whatever.  I’m a free spirit.

I have two sock drawers, each of which contains several non-sock items.  These are:
ATHLETIC SOCK DRAWER:
* Five empty film cannisters
* Shiny purple bat necklace
* Pumpkin-n-beads plastic elastic bracelet
* Partial roll of shrinky ace bandage (1/3")
* A pair of orthotics that need to be reglued
* Green plastic fake fingertip with long red nail
* Two packs of spare buttons for random shirts
* Last year’s bar card
* Shell necklace from Hawaii
* Rubber gaskets for sandals or hydropack (not sure which)

BUSINESS SOCKS
* Box and invoice from latest refill of Nasacort rx
* Tieclip in a little velvet box
* Instructions on tying ties (including bow ties)
* Ugly glasses for vigorous outdoor activity, in ugly case (or, in case of ugly)
* Shoelaces (27”, dress, black)
* Photo-holder portion of an old wallet (empty and never used)
* Two photos from schneckenbaking party last year
* Brochure from Fanny’s Calistoga B&B, with several old college photos of friends inside
* More stretchy ace wrap (1/2” roll)
* Stub from Bob Dylan/Phil Lesh Concert 6/23/00 (Concord Pavillion)
* Two medallion coins in cardboard and plastic wrap commemorating Orlando Cepeda’s entry into the Hall of Fame, distributed at Candlestick Park 7/11/99
* White pin-on button reading “Parade Marshal / U of P”

What I didn’t find were my damn nice socks.  I did a little tidying though, while I was poking around in my drawers.  (heh.) As Kel recently said, I did a half-assed job of cleaning, but that’s half an ass cleaner than things were before.

MORAL: Oh give up.  If you’re looking for your morals in my sock drawer, we’re both in trouble.

please, god, PUHLEEEEEZ, let this post inspire bill to look in his drawers (teehee) with a critical eye and thus cause him to clean out a drawer.  FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 29 YEARS.  please. 

how do you decide which drawer to throw the stuff?  i was thinking there was some logic, but then i lost the thread.  is it just space related?

ok. did i miss the memo that stated all entries must come with a moral? you know the times are changing when we’re looking to the Net for our moral guidelines.

Well, except for me. I still come (heh. I said come.) for the porn, I just read blogs while I’m waiting for the good stuff to download. All you crazy kids with the morals gotta learn to lighten up. Yeah.

Despite the complimentary ass kicking, I believe you may have outdone me. I am, in fact, going to reorganize my heart-shaped box, tossing out a few boring items and putting in a few new ones so it lives up to the intrigue of your sock drawers.

Ok, now let’s get back to this fake fingertip with the red nail…

I like this moral thing.  Maybe I should do a week of morality plays.  I think that will assist in this whole soul saving thing I’ve got going on.

hi.
i read your blog now.
the end.

*runs and hides*

That same missing nice socks person also has quite the collection of hotties in his Friendster friends.

Aren’t Fakesters great?  They expand your network like no one’s business. And they don’t wear many clothes.  Which, well, I consider to be a plus.

and i’m supposed to expect my soul to be saved by the boy who wants all the girls nekkid? as if. can i feel around your head for horns?

Here is what is wrong with my brain:  this post and its corresponding comments were all lovely, but I cannot get past the fact that cataloguing is spelled that way.

Jesus, I need therapy or drugs or theraputic drugs.

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