Monday, March 03, 2003

Sometimes I like to drive

Sometimes I like to drive faster than some of the other drivers around me.  Many of the drivers in my neighborhood, for instance, seem to have serious issues getting the speedometer over 20.  When they see other cars they slow to a crawl - even when those other cars are parked and vacant.  They drift into oncoming traffic, as if walking up to a stranger in a crowd to ask directions.  They stop in the middle of the street without warning and for no perceptible reason.  And if you honk at them they freeze in place - the old ‘honk and freeze.’ I try to get around them, to take alternate routes, to use the hidden power of my mind to clear them from my path - but sometimes even that doesn’t work.  I just watch them slow down for green lights, back out into traffic, switch drivers in the middle of a three-point turn, and otherwise drain the life out of what could have been an exciting, or even just amusing, drive. 

I used to get really worked up about this kind of behavior but I’ve changed my ways.  I no longer permit myself to badmouth another driver while I am driving. This has been a real challenge for me, and I have devised certain laxities in my rule for special occasions - sarcasm is prohibited, but I can say non-sarcastic things in a very aggravated voice, like ‘Would you please learn to drive your vehicle?’ or ‘that stopsign isn’t going to change color for you.’ But no way will I call them dinkwads, jagoffs, puckerreams, or any of the other colorful phrases that occur to me in such circumstances.  I think it makes me a little calmer and more courteous, and I hope to translate that small achievement into other areas of my life.  I mean, eventually.  I’m not ready yet.  Baby steps. 

Kel called last night from Florida to tell me that the drivers down there are worse than anything she’s seen in our neighborhood.  I’m heading down to join her in a few days and I’m not looking forward to this aspect of what will otherwise be an exhausting, overscheduled and very short trip. I’m thinking calm thoughts.  Furiously calm.