Monday, April 17, 2006
SportVest Gibberish Freakout
I’ve got a few minutes and the photos are just sitting there so let me just show you the weird thing Zach got. This came from an extremely well-meaning and enthusiastic “proxy auntie” who wants to make sure the little feller doesn’t get cold. It’s a bit big for him, but I like him to wear it anyway because I think gibberish keeps you warm. Hence the balmy climate here inside the Chucklehut, and hence the protective and salubrious qualities of this HaoPengYou Sport Vest. I give you first, the front view:
You can tell from this image that the color is “alexander the grape” purple, from the Otter Pop of the same name. It’s rip-stop nylon for durability, and it’s got sturdy plastic snaps as well as a redundant zipper, which is wise given that I’ve broken some of the snaps already. Oh snap, indeed.
We also get to meet our two new friends, HaoYeng and Gibberish Dude. They are shown in vignette, small introductory images that let us know we’ve got some sartorial buddies who are going to make life more fun than a Tony Danza sitcom again! This is a vest with a lifestyle built right in!
Intriguing, eh? Let’s see if we can get an even closer look - sneaking around for the rear view, today on Wild Unintelligible Logo Kingdom.
Yes, the closer you get, the weirder they is. First, there’s the mysterious invocation in black beneath their frolicking images. I’m waiting for some good cursing weather before I try saying it out loud. We can also see that HaoYeng and G.D. are playing some kind of game, but it’s hard to tell exactly what because of the provocatively faint silkscreening.
Also, a comment is being exchanged between them: “sport.” That’s what he’s saying as he thrusts forward his tiny, tiny badminton racquet from the safety of the tumbling beach, resplendent in his green jacket. I find this to be fascinatingly opaque. Is he calling his friend “Sport,” as in, “Hey sport don’t bend your thumb like that, it’s scaring the children?” Or is he invoking the muse of Sport, as an attempt to equalize his obviously lame paraphenalia and location with those of his swingin’ surfing buddy? Or is he just emitting an almost-involuntary cry of enthusiasm for the many sports in which he and his friend are simultaneously engaged? Current investigative methods prove unsatisfactory in deriving a meaningful answer. The mystery simply resonates. Like sport itself.
Meanwhile, his carefree necktie-wearing friend gives him a thumbs-up from atop a cheerfully-painted surfboard, a matching boomerang clutched in his fist. He’s wearing the “B B” logo that the kids are all enjoying so much these days. While neither of them wear vests, both men wear hats.
Okay, I don’t know if they’re men or not. But they are wearing hats, and at least the boy has a role model now. I’m going to get him a surfboard and boomerang as soon as possible. That badminton racquet, though… well, only if he asks for one. A fellow can get too sporty.
