Tuesday, September 23, 2003

Stretching the Bounds of Humor

I’ve started doing yoga in a class once a week, instead of just by myself in my own little studio.  It’s fun and I can really feel the impact of each class for days afterwards.  However, I can’t seem to “empty my mind.” Even when I’m contorted uncomfortably, telling myself that my own breath is the only worthy focus of my concentration, my brain is goofing off.  Two shameful examples, which might not make much sense to folk who don’t know their asanas from their elbows:

* They’re telling us that we’re doing hatha yoga.  Well, I can’t do everything that everybody else is doing - I have no balance, only midrange flexibility.  What the hell, I rationalize, I’ll do what I can.  Hatha yoga is better than none.

* I’m remembering that yoga is a lifestyle, and that lifestyle includes vegetarianism.  But I’ve been on a modified Atkins diet for a while and meat is a big part of my life these days.  As I settle into a strong pose and feel the prana course through the soles of my feet and up my legs, I wonder what’s for supper.  Maybe a burrito.  This pose makes me hungry for meat.  It’s the carne asana. 

There are more, even worse, miscarriages of language that occur to me when I’m in the yoga class, which I will not impose on you.  But maybe I need to take up a less contemplative form of fitness.  Jazzercizers probably don’t feel like they need to slap themselves for thinking up dumb Bob Fosse jokes during their sessions.  Then again, I would probably make everybody else laugh by my antics, like screwing up and falling over.  Maybe it’s better to enjoy a private joke than to become a public one.

Funkaerobics is very mediative.  Try busting a move to “Brick House” while wrapping a leg around your head.  It’s possible to develop an equation for cold fusion that way.  Or at least pull a muscle.

i *heart* yoga!

james and i have been doing it once a week for the past month or 2 and we really love it. we want to do it more often and are trying to find the time to do so, but even in the short time we’ve been doing it we are both really noticing a difference in our strength, balance, and well-being. it’s so rad and totally true what they say about it. i’m also sweet on pilates.

i think my worst fears are finally being realized: i’m turning into a tree huggin’, granola crunchin’, h-h-hi-, no, i mean DO GOODER! phew. if i start asking people to load me a bowl, i’ll know i’m done for…

xoxo, jared

maybe you need to involves meat in your workout program.  like, what if you bench pressed a big side of beef?  filet mignon curls?  step aerobics with fists full of ground chuck? 

when i was a bad 14 year old boy, we gave a name to the women in leotards lurching around the church parlor that you might now find useful—cowsercize.

i can’t contribute to the fun-with-words in this comment thread, but i can sympathize with your balance problems.  i always think the class should divide into two groups - one of people that can stand on one leg all flamingo-like and not fall over, and one that can touch their noses to their knees.  yoga makes me look goofy enough as it is before i fall on my face.

yoga it like you mean it, baby!!!

i dont think that makes any sense whatsoever.

Jared we have to get into this - I had no idea you were such a patchouli-scented dashiki-wearing toadlicking freak, though I did suspect James was ripe for the commune.  And Bryan, Greg - I have enough trouble just standing on one foot without being compelled to “get my groove on” or pull a Rocky Balboa on an innocent standing rib roast.  However, “cowercize” is good.  The women in my yoga class don’t really fit that mold though.

“Wenchercize” classes make for great entertainment.  And what about Strippercize?  Isn’t that the old new thing?  THe new new thing is “slavercize." I’ll bring the whipped cream if someone else brings dollar bills… You may not lose weight, but you just might lose something else…

jared, please load me a bowl. thanks.

If only you were a woman, I could say “yo-ga, girl!”

At least now I can spend my pilates class pondering bad puns, instead of thinking how silly I look “rolling like a ball” or flapping my arms like seal flippers to “pulse.”

i’ve always thought i’d like to try yoga—do they have yoga for gimps?  although it sounds like i might be in trouble a lot—like with the nuns when i couldn’t stop giggling at mass before school in the mornings.

the women in the jazzercise class ARE bob fosse jokes, chuckles.

No no no, what about strip aerobics, hmmmm? Your lady might enjoy that… ;)

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