Saturday, September 22, 2007
Use Deadbolt for Safety
One more site visit down today… one more road trip… and thankfully, no special weirdness to report. Earlier this week I stayed over at a strange, creepy pseudo-Tudor motel in Sideways country, with an authentique olde englysshe tap roome (three tvs showing Cops, one showing QVC) and a computer-operated player piano and a dank little dungeon of a fitness center and carpets that seemed to be woven directly out of Febreeze. But that was fine compared to my visit last week to the central valley, where I stayed at a very ordinary-looking place that, by the time I left after just one night in a jumbo-deluxe two-bedroom suite, I was pretty sure was haunted, possessed, or at least protoplasmically compromised. Why, you ask? Here are my TEN REASONS I SUSPECT MY MOTEL WAS PROBABLY HAUNTED:
* Mysterious knocking sound from inside my seemingly empty in-room refrigerator
* Humorless waitress at adjacent restaurant apparently a cyborg (or undead)
* Net-enclosed rubber-floored “sport court” in center of parking lot clearly a restraining cell for the violently insane
* Out-of-service elevator most likely filled with blood
* Dark grey (almost black) feral cat would have crossed my path had I decided to make a sharp left to stroll through motel landscaping
* Pay-Per-View movie queue contained no movies - not even porn
* Check Out Time: “Death O’Clock”
* Inexplicable wetness around toilet when I first checked in ("haunted" being the lesser of possible evils here)
* Bed comforter not remotely comforting
* Flesh-eating shower soap
I’m now looking forward to one more day trip to LA for a commission meeting next friday and then maybe things will calm down a little. Then again, maybe they won’t. That’s how this supernatural stuff works, right? Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go alone, in lightweight clothing, without the vaguest justification, to the area of greatest possible danger. The power of Motel compels me!
