Friday, February 06, 2004

Valid.  And Other Things.

One of the symbols of bay area citizenship is the FastTrak box on one’s dashboard or windshield.  You can live in SF, or San Carlos, or Mill Valley, and never leave your town and never need a FastTrak transponder - but then you’re not living in the Bay Area.  You’re just a home-towner, and even if your home town is a world cultural capital, “Bay Area” is too grand a name for your constrained stomping grounds.

To live in the Bay Area means to perigrinate around the bay - down to the valley, up to the headlands, out to the windfarms, and back to the concrete canyons of what we call The City.  The bay is part of your area and you criss-cross it on bridges that cut from Marin to Contra Costa, SF to Alameda, Alameda to San Mateo, Alameda to Santa Clara, Contra Costa to Solano over the mouth of the wide tired river… and as you stagnate in long lines of toll-paying hosers, those of us with transponders can skirt the stacks of cars waiting in line, scooting right along in the almost-always empty FastTrak lane, zipping through at freeway speeds and leaving all others in our proverbial smoke-choked dust.  What power.  What puissance.  What joy. 

The transponder is read by a plinth-mounted sensor at the toll gates that automatically deducts the toll from a pre-established and regularly refreshed account.  If you have a valid funded account, they tell you that your toll has been paid by flashing a message on a small electronic board at the side of the gate: “VALID / ETC”.  This, I like.  It’s one thing to be valid.  We all need validation, even - if not especially - from the machines that control so many aspects of our lives.  But sometimes mere validation isn’t enough.  I want to be more than just “valid.” I want respect.  I want peace.  I want the brass ring.  I want to be actualized and adored.  I want to die happy (sometime in the distant future), surrounded by loved ones.  I want approbation.  Enlightenment.  Wisdom.  I want to know the face of God.  I want it all.

Well, that’s a lot to flash at me on an electronic sign as I careen at 60 through the narrow stile.  I think their pithy “ETC” really covers it nicely, though.  It lets me fill in the blanks.

see, i get the opposite feeling.  it’s the punctuation.  if the sign said “valid & etc.” then i’d be with you.  but is says “valid / etc” meaning, “you’re either valid or you’re an invalid who’s able to trick a pathetic machine.  and since i can’t tell the difference, i’m not about to give you any unconditional validation.”

see, that kind of asswipe attitude is more in line with what i’ve come to expect from these pre-matrix machines that ruin control our lives.

First, to Bryan’s defense: he put in code so the word “ruin” would be struck out; my wise and powerful host has disabled such taggage as potentially malefacious. 

Second, I should clarify that the sign is pretty small and has two lines without punctuation - no actual slash marks.  It’s more like:

VALID
ETC.

- and that’s why I feel like everything’s gonna be okay.  Even the machines are gonna give me a pass.  I mean, come on - it could just say “paid” or “$3.00” or “VOTE NRA” or something irritating.  Bryan, I think you just need a hug.  I think you should have a robot nearby that will fit the bill nicely.

*BIG SIGH* I’d give anything to be a rightful owner of said transponder. Maybe someday soon.....

Wow, ours here in Sunny Southern California says Thank you! or Have a Nice Day! and the transponder gives a cheerful little beep. But then half the time our fast track lanes are at a stand still and the regular lanes are at freeway speed because so many people use it. Sigh.

What is plinth?  Am I at any sort of social or material disadvantage for not having plinth?

No words on our e-tag system here, but it does give a cheery little beep, which I guess sort of compensates for the hugely expensive tolls.

All we get in Boston is a terse “OK”.  It’s typical New England: like you’ve just barely managed to pass muster, or maybe the machine can’t be bothered to figure out if you’re valid or not - whatever.  OK.  Just go.