Monday, November 15, 2004
Word
Lately I’ve been using this space to talk about big events and my small perceptions of them, and to engage in the sort of theoretical and political diversions that tend to make me think of myself as a thoughtful, sober individual well-suited to bear the weight of the world on my shoulders. Well, here’s a wakeup call for chuckles: The world is bigger than Cleveland, and the human condition has more noble struggles even than elections. This particular realization has taken a number of forms lately for me, even while I’ve been droning on about my recent experiences with the “protect the vote” process - a process that may have given the impression that I’ve been reliving those events since they occurred, which I tried to do but couldn’t - despite my best efforts to the contrary I was laughing at myself even as I tried to write feelingly about those days, stumbling into and across the continuing enormity and splendor of creation.
Let’s shift from generalities to specifics: Nothing has been more poignant and meaningful for me in recent memory than the healthy, happy, exhausting but triumphant birth of my assuredly beautiful niece Delia over the weekend. Delia is a six pound, 18-inch lump of tenacity and courage, and my sister Evi and her stalwart husband Scott are rightly very proud of her, as I am of them all. And the lessons that I’ve begun to take from Deelie’s amazing journey into life have only begun - she’ll surely have much to teach us all. The first thing I learned from her is how much strength can be packed into a tiny package (yes Evi, she’s tiny - your continuing recuperation, may it be brief, notwithstanding). The second thing I learned from her is that you never know what you are getting in this world, or how you will wind up handling it: Delia was born with a tiny hole in her diaphragm through which her abdominal organs had penetrated, resulting in a chest full of intestines and a left lung that hadn’t gotten a good chance to develop. Her right lung is doing great and she’s got great color and good grip and a totally solid attitude, and surgery yesterday rearranged her internals appropriately and closed the hernia. Mother and baby are doing very well, thank you, and the prognosis is optimistic. This baby has been through a lot already in her short life, and more will surely come as the years spin us past. But she’s got a toehold on this life of ours and she’s going to work it for all it’s got. Way to go, Delia. Way to get me back into thinking about what really matters most.
However, I am not unmindful of my promise made to you all last week about the contents of today’s post. Maybe this is as good a time as any to take a moment out of the front end of a week that I expect will take months to pass, to share with you a few words that give me trouble. Words, giving me trouble? How could this be?, you axe yourselfs in consterpation. Well, I answer with avuncular humor, sometimes I want to use a word that I just can’t get out of my mouth without a giggle. These are perfectly cromulent words with appropriate social uses, and there is no shame in employing any of them. Yet my juvenile brain forces me to think, each time I try to enunciate one of these gems, of something else that’s not the subject of the conversation. Something that makes the precocious ten-year-old in me rock forward on his whoopie cushion and burst into peals of immature laughter. Well, maybe peals of immature laughter is what the world is telling me it needs now. There’s no reason, then, to put this aside any further: Chuckles is pleased, in a dour, grown-up way, to present at this time:
TEN WORDS THAT SHOULDN’T MAKE ME GIGGLE, BUT DO ANYWAY
(in alpha order - we’re not picking favorites here)
crampon: “You’ll need a bigger crampon if you want to reach the top of the mountain.”
crapulence: “I was free to wallow in my own crapulence.” (C. M. Burns)
dicker: “I’m going to dicker till she doesn’t know which end is up.”
defalcate: “He defalcated all over my private assets.”
deterred: “It floated in the pool and deterred the swimmers.”
masticate: “If you masticate very thoroughly you will be less likely to choke.”
penal: “He seemed proud of his penal infractions.”
probity: “I’ve had it up to here with your probity.”
rectitude: “It’s a wonder he can even walk with so much rectitude.”
titular (a Kel selection): “The titular chairman is my bosum friend.”
That should do it for now. Have a crapulent monday and keep your crampons clean.
