Tuesday, August 19, 2003

A Big Turn-Off

I’ve been thinking a bit about the blackout and how easily we overcame it.  No widespread looting, no statewide wilding, no revolution of forest creatures overwhelming suburbs and returning vast stretches of development to a state of nature.  It seems like we’re ready for the next step.  We’re all energy addicts but we got the monkey off our back for a few hours and it felt great, didn’t it?  Sure it did!  (Don’t talk back to me.) Well, now that the energy jones is licked, some areas of the country have other addictions too.  Maybe we can build on our success in dealing with the blackout to try going without some other regional favorites:

Philly: Cheeze Whiz
N’Awlins: drunken, dumpy, desultory strippers
Boston: that freaking accent
Atlanta: Ted Turner
Chicago: bratwurst consisting of fat wrapped in intestines
Milwaukee: lousy beer
Phoenix: Phoenix
Seattle: Starbunks
Hawaii: Spam (the luncheon meat)
Los Angeles: egocentrism
San Jose: Spam (electronic)
San Francisco: Burning hot summer days without a cloud in the sky.

San Francisco is participating with a nice cool foggy morning.  Come on America - Give it up!  You know you want to!  With the exercise of just a little self control, just think of all the stuff you can do without!  Of course, the real lesson we learned from the blackout is, once it’s over, your old addiction is only that much sweeter and more precious to you… oh electric lights, computer power, refrigeration and television, never leave us again…