Thursday, February 06, 2003

Amusing Beverages: 1) The bottle

Amusing Beverages:

1) The bottle of bold but impertient Yarra Yering 96 Shiraz I enjoyed at Ralph’s house.  He always offers an overwhelming variety of excellent wine, and this particular 750 ml bottle didn’t want to undersell itself: the label specified that it “contains approx. 8.9 standard drinks.” My research has not uncovered the Australian Drink Authority that sets this standard, but knowing the resourcefulness and alcholalia of that freedom-loving country, if they submit to a standard it must be in their best interests.  Just don’t overpour.

2) The mysterious Dutch aperitif at Dr. Andy’s house.  He doesn’t admit to remembering when or how he got it, but he doesn’t fool anybody.  He knew what the label said: Els Kruidenbitter.  That’s right, and it’s every bit as crude and bitter as it’s name might suggest.  And who drinks it?  Well I don’t speak Dutch and I understand from some Dutch acquaintences that in fact it’s just all made up and they speak English when we’re not paying attention.  But be that as it may, I think it’s hard to misinterpret even an allegedly foreign tongue such as Dutch when the phrase in question, copied straight off the back of the bottle, is “basterdsuiker.” So this is perfect for all you bastardsuckers who want a crude, bitter cocktail.  I tasted it.  What remains of my memory is unpleasant.  What I repress has made me mad. 

Moral: not all drinks are created equal.