Friday, February 28, 2003

Another dawn breaks clear and

Another dawn breaks clear and maybe just a little earlier, and I am clear and early too.  Today I staff a meeting of the Legal Services Trust Fund Commission, which means I don’t have to read files, I don’t have to call people up and aggravate them, and I don’t have to bring my lunch.  All this is only made sweeter by my ability to drive to work instead of bussing it in, and the anticipation of leaving just a little early so I can relieve the dog, medicate the cat, and still make it to Happy Hour, which promises to be an unusually festive occasion. 

Why the recitiation?  Because I’ll be away from my desk for so much of today that I won’t be able to graze the meadows of blogdom as is my wont.  But it’ll be OK.  I have so declared it. 

My ability to declare everything OK puts me in mind of the many people, both hither and yon, who are taking classes or are, heaven forbid, actually in school full-time.  Even those planning on further education are on my mind.  Not because I wish to join their ranks - as of right now, the idea of sitting in a lecture just isn’t toasting my crumpets.  However, I do think that I’d be one hell of a lecturer.  I enjoy being kissed up to and having unfettered discretion to ruin people’s lives.  Furthermore, I have a pedagogic mien, a voice that demands respect and attention, and illegible handwriting.  As I understand it, these are the three main areas of study at teachers’ colleges worldwide.  Having rendered their curriculum superfluous, it only remains to choose a course that I should teach.  Luckily, I have a wealth of useful knowledge to expound and disseminate: 
* Other Uses for Your Plunger
* Making a Mess of Everything
* How to be Late
* Repressing Yourself
* What’s That Smell? (prerequisite for “Has This Gone Bad?")
* The Exploding Ego and the Withered Id
* Spacing Out (advanced)
* Ingratiating Yourself (prerequisite: Shmoozing)
* Sugary Snacks: An Overview
* Things You Can Do with Toothpicks and Pipecleaners
* Practical Self-Abuse
* The Underware Drawer: Mysteries Revealed
* Getting Out of Stuff
* Gluing Your Fingers Together
* Favorite Bulges of Western Civilization
* Introductory Poking
* Wander Aimlessly - Today!
* Living Comfortably on $30,000 a Day
* Gibberish
* Pizza Delivery Explained
* Towelling Off
* How to Lose Your Keys
* Spicing Up Your Fantasy Life

Registration begins immediately.  Bribes are cheerfully accepted, but I promise nothing.  Lots of nothing.  See you all again soon.