Monday, March 17, 2003

At work I get to

At work I get to overhear conversations.  Boring, conventional, tedious conversations.  Comparative weigh-watchers goals.  Preferred shoe styles.  Carsick children.  Whose plant looks healthiest.  I’d rather watch food rotate in the microwave than endure more of these utterly unimaginative chats.  So here’s a short list to inspire my coworkers to have a conversation worth overhearing:

* Same-sex celebrity you’d sleep with
* Drunkest you’ve ever been at work
* Dirtiest dream
* Lives you’ve ruined (how and why)
* Most you’ve ever thrown up in public
* Who’s not wearing underware today
* Your secret piercings
* Drug addicts in your family and what they do when they’re wasted or jonesing
* Your involvement in a cult (religious or personality)
* Workplace crushes and how you gratified them
* Personal financial shenanagans
* Favorite “other” uses for your vacuum cleaner
* Your criminal past (don’t skimp on jailhouse details)
* Weirdest thing you ever put in your mouth (food or otherwise)

If that’s not enough to spice things up I need to find new co-workers.  You may begin chatting now.  Chuckles is listening.  Intently.