Thursday, October 23, 2003

Birds of a Feather

So I was on my way home today from a bit of an event my volunteer gig was sponsoring, and I noticed that I was on a “theme bus.” I’m realizing, slower than maybe I ought to have, that busses are only sometimes totally random agglomerations of humanity.  Sometimes random isn’t so random.  Sometimes you flip “heads” two dozen times in a row, sometimes you win at Pachinko, and sometimes the people on the bus have much more in common with each other than mere chance would dictate.  Tonight, for example, I was on a shave-head boys bus, followed by a trip on a selfish space-hoggers bus.  I had a few moments on that second bus to compile the following taxonomy of bus populations, which I present for your edification and rider-spotting amusement.  See if you can complete a whole list, for a special Chucklehut prize!

* Shave-head Boys Bus
* Selfish Space-hoggers Bus
* Skanky Sluts Bus
* Insane Drunk Vagrants Bus
* Uptight Whitemen Bus
* Angry Ancient Chinese Women Bus
* Elementary School Field Trip Bus
* High School Louts Bus
* Lovers of Literature Bus
* Gay Pick-up Bus
* Loud Cellphone Users Bus
* Food-eaters Bus
* Sad Sick Old People Bus
* Stinky Sleazeballs Bus
* Sullen Skaters Bus
* Graceful Fragrant Lovely Persons Bus (mythical)

This was where I had to excuse myself from my bus full of selfish space-hoggers who were all taking up extra seats and aisle space with the crap they couldn’t bear to hold on their widespread laps.  If I’ve missed any important subcategories, please don’t hesitate to let me know.  I’d hate to overlook a sighting just because I wasn’t attuned to it.