Wednesday, August 28, 2002

I heard a story not

I heard a story not long ago about a girl in elementary school who developed a bruise on her forehead.  Over a few days it became larger, darker, more noticeable.  It began to sag a bit, but caused no discomfort.  When it was nice and thick and droopy, she somehow caught it on something and it tore open; a legion of ants crawled out over her face and into her hair.  What a great story; I have found no evidence of any ants that live this way though.  However, our dear friend Dr. Andy advises us that he’s had professional occasion to see a patient who complained of some tumors on his arm, the size of a nickle, red and swollen lumps.  Andy looked them over and said, “looks like boils, let’s lance’em and get you cleaned up.” (Andy’s pretty direct; he’s also a genius diagnostician - usually...) He took a scalpel and cut open one of the lesions; a pair of mandibles jumped out and grabbed the blade, pulling against it.  Andy screamed (or maybe he squealed) and asked for more advice from his colleagues; one calmly advised him he’d just uncovered a bot fly.  The recommended therapy was to wrap a piece of raw bacon around the affected area and wait for the damn things to come out and feed… then hit’em with a phone book I guess…