Friday, June 09, 2006

Initiate Randomization!

I’ve had a cough for a few days and today I’m definitely feeling a bit under the weather, though I’m at work so as properly to impress my supervisor since it’s just one week before my five-year review.  “Oh, that Dan, he works with black lung.  Why, he won’t stop reviewing files even when he’s giving his uvula a wedgie with his glottis.  What a trouper.  Let’s give him a raise. And also a new car and a year’s worth of bodywork.” That’s the way it works around here.  Come in sick, spread guilt as thickly as virus, and make off like a bandit.  Anyway, that’s the theory.

In practice, I got here a bit early and I’m tired of seeing that weird party story come up first thing when I check the ‘hut, so here’s another delightful sampling of crap from my memopad.  These are the items that stick in my brain and then slowly slide away, and if I don’t write them down I feel as if I’ve lost something of value. Then I don’t know what to do with them.  So I carry them around in my pocket for a few months, and then I disgorge them here.  Thusly:

At a public restroom, I saw a sign that urged patrons “Do not throw foreign objects into the toilet.” Scrawled next to this was the corollary: “American-Made Only!”

Boy Bawang Cornick. Though I’ve poked around on-line a bit for more information, I think I like it better the less I know about it.  I may get some today just so I can stop saying it to myself.  Come on, people.  It contains both wang and ick.  How could it be bad?

Reviewing a file recently, prepared by a program that has historically had challenges with proofreading (among other minor and less-minor issues), I noted that they were planning to produce a reference source using, among other materials, a directory produced by the U.S. Congress.  This directory has a yellow cover, so it’s called, in typical DC Doublespeak, the Congressional Yellow Book.  But in this case they were talking about the “Gongressional Yellow Boob.” Now that’s something I could really use on my desktop.  I’d think I’d be willing to overlook the jaundice if it’s really loaded with Gongression. 

“MUNI” is the name of the local public transportation district; they run the busses, trams, trolleys and cable cars.  I was riding the N-Judah light rail a few weeks ago and noticed, as it emerged from a tunnel near Church Street, a small kiosk in an area with several Muni structures.  This particular structure was a restroom for Muni employees, and it had two signs on it.  One was a plain metal placard that just said, “MUNI restroom - MUNI employees only.” The other was a fancier bronze plaque with an embossed quotation, attributed to someone whose name I couldn’t read, and it seemed to be the motto of the organization: “That All May Ride.” It’s a nice sentiment, but it just seemed to me that the two signs sort of contradicted each other. 

Apathetic is better than none. 

If I were to inherit a German bakery (and who’s to say I won’t), I think I’d re-name it “Stollen Moments.”

I was watching a film not long ago and noticed in the closing credits, a reference to one of the technical crew: the negative cutter.  This seems to me, and I’m an expert in this area, an unnecessary circumlocution.  Why call this person a negative cutter?  Why not speak affirmatively and call him a “put-together-er?”

On a final note, I watched Hauru no ugoku shiro last night, released stateside as “Howl’s Moving Castle.” I enjoyed the hell out of it - the colors and animation were fabulous and blended well with my supper of beer and cough medicine.  But it was very Japanese in its plot structure - the character development and resolution were abrupt and some of the plot devices seemed really forced. Even for a fantasy movie, it was asking too much for me to accept some of the developments.  However, the voicing was fantastic - Christian Bale, Lauren Bacall, Blythe Danner, and Jean Simmons (not the one with the tongue, the womanly one).  Plus, Moosie Drier!  I went to jr high and high school with him!  You might remember him from “It Happened at Lakewood Manor” (AKA “Ants!"), “Andrea’s Story: A Hitchhiking Tragedy,” “Kids Incorporated,” and episodes of many of the classic tv greats like “Hunter,” “CHiPs,” and “Family Ties.” It’s fun to see his name pop up after two hours of Japanese fantasy animation.  So here’s looking at you, Moosie.  I don’t know which voice was yours, but they all sounded great. 

Next week I’ll be back to the regular essays.  For now, it’s time for me to knuckle under and embrace my fate.  Have a good weekend, and watch for Meese.