Thursday, September 12, 2002

I’ve never been good at

I’ve never been good at choosing.  Sometimes I have to pick the first thing that strikes my fancy and leave all the other options unconsidered.  Sometimes I prioritize, with criteria and ratings and rankings.  Sometimes I dither. Sometimes I try to choose both of two contrary and mutually exclusive optionsand try to foce them to co-exist.  This is a recipe for disaster - more likely than not to wind me up with nothing or less.

My new strategy has been active deferral - to look at the options, calmly and non-judgmentally, letting my passions and preferences ebb and swell organically.  After a while, circumstances sometimes develop that point me to the right decision. Except sometimes it’s the wrong decision.  I have to learn now to recognize choices that have correct answers built right in, and to develop the discipline to make that choice reflexively, not burdening myself with unattainable goals or seductive pleasures that carry dire consequences.  The recognition must come first. The discipline to act wisely - I hope that comes eventually.  Were I to be able to recognize the wise choices, but unable to choose wisely - I could not long respect myself.