Thursday, December 20, 2007

Just What Yule Need: More Mindless Wordosity!

Hi everybody!  I’m still laying low, stocking up some “content,” overeating and enjoying the indolence and bloating that has come to mean the holiday season for me.  Since I’ll be busy as the opposite of the guys who are still not re-stuccoing my house (after all it’s only been, oh, six or seven weeks now) from when I get home tonight till I leave for the yule trip to sunny Washington State, here are a few verbal stocking-stuffers for ya:

New Alter-ego, from my conversation with Kel last night: “Sure, I’m saucy.  I’m Saucy McSaucerstein from Sauce City, USA.” I’ll just keep throwing them out there till one of them sticks.

Favorite tag text, on label attached to little “nutcracker” man: “Decorative Use Only: May Poison Food” (worth knowing next time I need to get all CSI on an expired filbert)
Runner up, from my pre-electric shave face-wash: “Warning: Flammable Until Dry” (worth knowing next time I want to get all James Bond on the occasional ant that still crawls up into my lavatory (thanks, ongoing construction projects!))

And, since I have NOT been exercising, NOT running, NOT doing yoga, NOT doing crunches or push-ups or basic calesthenics, basically NOT doing SQUAT, I have grown to miss some of my old friends at the gym.  Like whom?  Not just the gym rats, of course - there’s a whole lot more.  To wit:

TAXONOMY OF NON-RAT GYM RODENTS:
Spin Hamster
Kickbox Chipmunk
Stairmaster Meerkat
Crosstraining Chinchilla
Freeweights Capybara
Pilates Squirrel
Ab-blaster Nutria
Bikram Marmot
Hula Huita
Recumbent Opossom
Universal Porcupine
Bosu Gopher
Hap Ki Dormouse
Butt-Buster Beaver
Sauna Cavy
Locker Weasel

Have a good end-of-th’-year.  Stretch carefully before and after any unusual exertion.  You know what I mean.