Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Lovely Spam
Well, it’s been a fun-filled dream-fulfilling accomplishment-accomplishing weekend at Chuckle Central. We had two fabulous meals with friends (both, curiously, featuring brussels sprouts, which were, first, delicious and, then later, equally delicious), cleaned up the back room some more, got lots of financial work done, washed five loads of laundry, went to the zoo, got another humidifier for the grown-ups’ room, worked out at the gym, bla bla guh-Bla bla bla… lots of good stuff.
Now it’s late on a Tuesday and I’m feeling a bit thick in the skull. I had a long meeting to get ready for another long meeting tomorrow and there’s only so much more mental acuity I can bring to bear here at the Desk of Wisdom and Benevolence whereat I labor. I’m going to go home soon and maybe try working up a sweat or something, but in the meantime, I thought I’d give you a glimpse into my seediest underbelly: my cyberbelly. This is your chance to see what kind of email I get on a typical three-day weekend. It’s not so much, but it’s enough for a giggle. I’ve deleted the FIVE items from my in-box that were actual messages for me. The rest are more like potted luncheon meat, in that they’re hardened containers for highly questionable content. I’ve listed my spam e-mails in chronological order by sender, “re” line, and (in parens) the general nature of the inquiry, or key phrases if they were good. Hope you enjoy them. There will be more tomorrow but I don’t think you’ll need them any more than I do.
Heracleitus Bomar - Re: to atticis (rxs) (which means, for the rest of this post, impotence drugs or sedatives)
Sylvia Adcock - Impotence medicines for the best price (rxs)
Simonenko Colleen - Never thought that so small member exists. ("Yo Dude I don’t care why your Johnson is so small...")
Marlin Hatcher - Go devilish my remitting (watches)
Rudolph Navarro - soft Viagra:buy and save your money with us (rxs)
Pinksheets alert! - MHILOB Best terms and conditions for your investments (stock tip)
Quotes.com Alert! - MHILOB you must know nad use all of it’s suggestions (stock tip)
Jerold Whigham - Re: to bodic (rxs)
Benjamin - stork less caveat (rxs)
Little Hey - Get Started Win and play (on line casino)
Jonathan Tyson - Be pretty (watches)
Jan Henderson - Re: We accepted your loan request (financial services)
Ava Bowman - My of pronounceable (watches)
Fifth Third Bank - Fifth Third Bank - confirm your accounts records [Sat 13 January 16:27:51-0800] (confirm personal information)
Lye F. Deb - Re: (rxs)
Dodoes P. Hank - Re: (rxs)
Hafiz Samples - Re: my philanthropis (rxs)
Johnson Angel - Small thing not big problem anymore! ("The Most Potent Male Muscle Boosting System! The better and most powerful product to enlarge your prick available on the market!")
Rae Mason - Which of the ponderous (watches)
Lacy Mcguire - Of excretion go shim (watches)
Nita Barton - Be do banister (watches)
Citibank - Citibank: account notification! - Sun, 14 Jan 2007 10:20:13-0800 (confirming personal information)
Jacklyn French - so a gmt (watches)
Smirnoff T. Carousal - Re: (rxs)
Ballrooms M. Shirted - Re: (rxs)
Ingega Strange - Re: my northweste (rxs)
Rosalinda Leathers - Re: my freshl (rxs)
Improve Fix - Get Started Win and play. (on line casino)
Concepcion Huffman - Not in sheen (watches)
Marietta Shaw - Or remitting he shawnee (watches)
Rodger Harden - Get less anxious (watches)
Sonnyz Crossl - Watch this stck go on r (stock tip)
Otccb Alert! - You must buy MHILOB right now!!! Hurry up The Alert is ON!!! (stock tip)
Knight Rafael - change your size from S to XL ("Hei Chap Don’t tell me why your schlong is so small, I will better help you to make it realler Bigger! Why bigger? Because over 74%R of all women need a longer one-eyed monster to satisfy their desire!")
offers companies - Through will now (rxs)
yore - Get Started Win and play. (on line casinos)
Lurlene Young - Afternoon (rxs)
Fifth Third Bank - Fifth Third Bank: official update. (confirming personal information)
Israel Silveira - Re: my backgroun (rxs)
Annamaria Watkins - Great fun this wkend (rxs)
Dispute R. Liliput - Re: (rxs)
Luz - Ci@li$ for you*+*+* (rxs)
Melba - Cialis soft for $2.22 per 1 pill (rxs)
Spring Reid - Re: Im sorry (rxs)
(270) 818-7244 Carmen - Fw: Too busy to go back to school, {} but need a Universiyt {}Degree{} to get ahead? ("In as little as 2 *weeks* you can have a masters degree from a national university. [] We supply all the stud ymaterials []")
Rath Safak - Gain up some Inches for your darling ("Hello Chap I don’t care why your sausage is so small, but 84% of women do.")
Bellona Warrior - Re: with bloo (rxs)
Vincek Crenshawe - ravish brushed burgeon gown jwljj (stock tip)
Colette Pettit - It really works (watches)
Orba Canipe - Re: with blottin (rxs)
Vanda Snyder - How happy are you (rxs)
Southwest Airlines - Your Ticket on Southwest Airlines ("Powered by Your Top Brands - an independent rewards program for consumers and not affiliated with any of the companies mentioned above. Your Top Brands is solely responsible for all gift fulfillment. To receive your gift, simply[...]")
Genaro - ester more than laxative (rxs)
Octbb Alert! - Double or triple your investmetns just per 1 week. Go MHII.OB! (stock tip)
Bank of America - Official Information for Bank of America Client! - Tues, 16 Jan 2007 2:09:45 -0800 (consumer information)
Karyl - Re: Whats Up (rxs)
Gregoria Snyder - Can you see this (rxs)
Diann Mathis - in expiration the sailboat (watches)
Olavo Germany - Re: with longe (watches)
Gelle Crotts - Re: with hemispher (watches)
The total is 60: 28 offers to increase my manhood by means of chemical intervention, 15 offers to sell me replica timepieces, six stock tips, four requests that I confirm my personal information to banks with which I do not do business, three invitations to try my luck at an on-line casino, two offers of financial services, one chance to get a college degree, and one opportunity to win free air travel. What a goddamn waste of the internet. Don’t these people know I have some serious surfing to accomplish? This crap is just slowing me down.