Tuesday, September 16, 2003

LUCKY DOG - third snippet

These little snippets have been surprisingly popular.  Admittedly, they’re only popular with a very small number of people, but I’m best with the very small numbers so I’ll just slap this one up here and let you confront the continuing saga of LUCKY DOG, EXERPT THE THIRD:

INT POLICE STATION – DAY

Flange sits with his bags at a cop’s desk, giving information for a report. 

FLANGE
That’s all there is to it.  The deed he gave me has his name as Solo Basura, but he called himself Gypsy to me.  I met him today, he cursed me, gave me everything he had, walked out of the alley and got creamed by a bus. 

COP
Yeah, go over the “gave you everything he had” part again.

FLANGE
I don’t really understand that part either.  He just said that he wanted to curse me, and that his stuff was cursed, so he could give it to me and leave me with his bad luck.

COP
And then he got creamed by a bus.

FLANGE
Yep.

COP
Suicide?

FLANGE
Geez, I don’t know.  He seemed pretty cheerful when he walked into the street.  I think he just wasn’t paying attention.

COP
(sarcastically)
So maybe his curse didn’t take, huh?

FLANGE
That’s not a joke, is it, officer? The man is in a coma.  Are we done here?

COP
Guess so.

FLANGE
Can I turn in a lost item to you? 

COP
What is it?

FLANGE
This suitcase was in the alley where I met Gypsy.  It’s not his and it’s not mine.  I’d like to try to return it to somebody.  Maybe it’s important.

The case is dingy, battered, looks like it belonged in the alley.

COP
If that case was ever important to anybody, it sure ain’t anymore.  What’s in it, anyway?

FLANGE
No idea.  It’s locked.

COP
Well, I’ve got the answer to that one right here:

He uses a small bolt cutter to snap the flimsy lock.

COP
(continuing)
Now, let’s see what you want to leave here with us…

The cop unzips the case and opens it so that Flange cannot see inside.  The cop peeks around the edge of the case to look at Flange. 

FLANGE
So what is it?

COP
Lemme answer that question with a question.  How much money can you fit in a suitcase?

The cop turns the suitcase to face Flange.  It’s totally full of money – large bills, neatly wrapped in blank paper tape. 

FLANGE
Where did that come from?

COP
From under that bum’s ass, if I believe your story.

FLANGE
You do believe it, right?

COP
(after a beat)
Yep.  No one would be stupid enough to come in here with that much money and that incredible story if it wasn’t true. 

FLANGE
How much do you think it is?

COP
Call it fifteen mill, give or take. 

FLANGE
Whose is it?

COP
Well, there’s no name, no markings, and it’s in an old abandoned suitcase you found in a trashy alley.  Tell you what: we’ll check it out for you.

FLANGE
How long will that take?

COP
Till we figure out whose it is. 

FLANGE
What if you can’t figure it out?

COP
Somebody lost a suitcase containing fifteen million dollars.  We’ll figure out who it belongs to.  Maybe you’ll get a finder’s fee. 

FLANGE
Somehow I doubt that. That’s not the way things usually work out for me.

COP
Don’t be glum, chum.  Maybe your luck’s changing.

The cop zips up the case and puts it back beneath his desk, loads fresh paper in the typewriter to start a new report.  A mature, well-dressed man of means charges up to the cop’s desk in obvious agitation.

MAN
I’ve lost a valuable item.  To whom should I speak?

COP
Depends.  What did you lose?

MAN
A sizeable sum of money.

COP
We see some pretty sizeable sums around here these days.  How much are we talking about?

MAN
(referring to Flange)
Who’s he?

COP
Another customer for lost and found.

MAN
A loser or a finder?

COP
So far, a finder.  After today, who knows?

FLANGE
Thanks.

MAN
I have lost – or misplaced – well, I’m missing a suitcase containing certain funds.

The cop and Flange exchange a look.

COP
How certain were these funds?

MAN
Quite certain.  About $12 million certain.

COP
(to Flange)
Sorry, loser.

FLANGE
No problem, officer.  That’s why I brought it in.

MAN
Did this young man find my money?

COP
That’s for us to determine.  Take a seat. 
(To Flange:)
Why don’t you contact us in a couple weeks.  If the item doesn’t belong to this guy, and no one else claims it, you can have it.  But we’ll have to check with Treasury and all.  Money can be surprisingly hard to lose, when there’s enough of it. 

Flange looks at the cop, the Man, back and forth for a moment.  Resigned, he stands.

FLANGE
Ok, thanks for your help, officer. 
(To the MAN:)
Congratulations.  I can only imagine how you must feel. 

MAN
Thank you for turning in my money. 

FLANGE
You’re most welcome.

MAN
Now, would you kindly get out of my way so I can finish this?

Flange hurries away with his remaining suitcase from Gypsy.