Wednesday, February 05, 2003

Matt (I’m gonna try to

Matt (I’m gonna try to do the right thing and link to people if I mention them) posted some thoughtful words on the on-line persona vs the in-person persona, noting (I paraphrase) that some folk are very different on line than in real life, but that he’s not one of them.  I think I move along a range of emotional honesty, sometimes closer to my true self on line than in person, and sometimes more of a masquerader.  And even in person, so often I think, “This isn’t how you’re feeling, what you want, how you’d behave all things being equal.  You are a person who is almost never visible, and you hide among so many persuasive or probable shades that you probably don’t even notice you’re not here half the time.” And then sometimes I walk out of a situation thinking, “that was me, wasn’t it?  Where the hell did that come from?  And is there any more left?” But mostly I just wonder what the hell is going on and how I got myself into it.  For good or bad, it’s the eternal question. 

What right have you
to be so lovely
stunning beautiful eternal
I was ready for anything else
I’m here to be normal
just want to get through this
I know that we tire you
striving for normalcy
you must face this every day
the stammering, the blush and downcast eye
and then there’s those who make assumptions
commandeering space and time
they force you to be more direct
so I’ll refrain and think of business
think of grammar think of england
want to answer all your questions
want to help lift your sedanchair
want to trace your jaw with sugar
throw these papers to the floor
and break your desk
It’s been a pleasure meeting you
I hesitate to shake your hand