Thursday, May 11, 2006

Pinky and the Blaine

In light of the amazing popularity it’s garnered David Blaine to suck a tube in public for a week, I hereby announce that, starting monday, I will spend seven full days - 168 of your earth-hours - entirely submerged in my own ego.  I will breath through a dank shaft and excrete through a crazy straw, but that’s SOP around here anyway.  At the end of my ordeal, I will hold my breasts for nine minutes, until I escape from my own sense of self-importance, or until I black out or start to chafe, whichever comes first.  Given that the responses to Mr. Blaine’s feat seem to range from apathy to disdain, I’m figuring chafing may have a quick onset.  I’ll have some serious technical challenges to overcome, in that I’m working with mere man-breasts, but I’ll work up to the challenge by holding other bits of myself for increasingly long periods of time, or until I get thrown out of the public library.

Finally, for once in my life, I can stop being the little castle in the fishtank, and take on the role of the helmeted diver dude.  It’s all part of my vast plan to make and use bubbles in new and exciting ways.  Well, exciting for me, anyway.  You’re on your own.