Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Quattro Titanium: To Shave A Blog

Swag.  Those that get it, deride it; those who lack it, covet it.  This I have observed with clinical objectivity form my position of covetous swaglessness and, lo, it rankles.  Am I not a consumer?  Need I not a Wii, a Roomba, a Cabo cruise?  But such has not been my lot.  The genius of my insight has not been sought out by the commercial benefactors whence cometh le swag.  It may have had something to do with my hyperintellectualism, or with my uncompromising rectitude, or with hit counts in the low dozens per day, but whatever the cause, the agents of Mamon have never sought me out to be a recipient of their magnanimity in exchange for an on-line review or, call a spade a spade, plug.

That is, not until now.  For it was barely a fortnight ago that I received an email from a WMP (web marketing professional) that carried to me through my ethernet cable the unmistakable fragrance of swag.  And, lo, it promised sweetness (and lo-ness, it being saccharine in nature).  I had literally virtually arrived.

The email came from Angelo, a young man with a rigorous work ethic and a disarmingly soft touch, behind which unquestionably lurked a fist of prosthetic strength.  He addressed me by name, expressed familiarity with this my modest site.  He’d read my ol’ “100 things” page and noted that some of those items concerned my facial depilatory activities.  Did he unerringly identify each such item? I didn’t care. (Actual answer: no.) Clearly (I paraphrase on his behalf), I was a man who took his shaving seriously. And, as fate had it, he had a serious shaver for my consideration.  Given my proclivities, my obvious sophistication in all matters of male facial hair, and my legions of loyal reader, could he send me a sample of the new Schick Quattro Titanium Shaver-Trimmer, for my review on-line?

I debated the possible consequences of such an action.  Would I be compromised, sullied?  Could I retain an independence of voice and opinion even upon whoring myself out for the kind of common corporate dross that’s indiscriminately dispersed to every Blog, Dick and Hairy?  Or did I have the bristly stones to take the swag and stand my ground?

The debate raged in my mind for a matter of several fractions of a second. Fingers trembling with a rush of power and influence, I carefully worded a “casual” reply.  Bring it on, Angelo.  I’m ready to shave.

next: arrival of the razor and packaging analysis.  stay tuned, shavesnark fans!