Thursday, December 04, 2003

REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED WITH HORSERADISH

This story is ghoulish and disturbing.  $100 million in settlement money for the desecration of countless graves in two Menorah Gardens cemetaries which were “reorganized” to “accomodate” new “residents.” Or alternatively, they were “emptied” of “corpses” so they could “fit in more corpses.” The news story says that superceded remains were “thrown out.” Like you could get away with a few of those hanging out on your curb on large-item pickup day: “A broken cabinet, a ruined chair, Aunt Gladys (may her memory be a blessing) and two other dead dudes - ready for pickup!” Somebody took bodies to the dump.  Somebody did it on purpose.  And now everybody knows. 

The thing that makes me a bit more comfortable with this is that the guys who authorized that big dollar payout haven’t yet begun to feel the sting of the zombie’s whip.  I saw Poltergeist, dudes - your ass is ghost chowder.  Someday you’re gonna wake up with Roy Scheider screaming at you and your eyes dropping into your bathroom sink and hands hardened by latke-making and torah-hefting will burst through your floors to strip the flesh from your bones and drag you into a hellish underworld of flaming blood and supernatural forced circumcisions with molten knives and the horror of waking up at your bar mitzvah in your underware and you’re going to know with your last breath on this side of the mortal curtain that when you mess with Jewish cemetaries in south florida, YOU ARE MESSING WITH THE WRONG CORPSES.