Monday, March 03, 2008

Strategy Session

You know what Mark Clemons said: there’s three kinds of lies - lies, damn lies, and politicians.  And then there’s you.  What was that, conjecture?  You know, from the Latin, “with jecture?” Well, you’re just making this jecture up, aren’t you?  It would be one thing if you were actually trying to misrepresent the truth; there’s consistency there, honor among thieves and pearls before swine and all that.  But you?  This?  That?  You don’t even care if what you say is true or false.  I don’t think you know what you’re going to say until you hear it yourself.  I can’t just disagree with you; you might be right.  But you’re usually not, of course.  Law of Averages and Planck’s Constant and all that.  You might be right.  I don’t know.  You don’t know.  I have to listen to you to figure it out.  And I don’t have time for that kind of nonsense.  I need to concentrate on other things.  Some of us have work to do.  I’m not just talking to make pretty noises.  I’m making necessary noises.  I’m trying to get you to open your eyes to the words that are coming out of your mouth, but your head’s too far up your ass to smell the roses.  Well smell this and smell it good: I can see right through you.  I see just exactly what you’re bringing to the table and it’s a pig in a poke, it’s an unknown quantity at best and more likely some kind of unpredictable x factor that might work but usually doesn’t.  It’s worse than not making sense - it’s making sense randomly, intermittent reinforcement, Skinner boxes, exobdurate conditioning, and now I’m stuck with you and it’s all I can do not to bitchslap you right here right now.  But I’m bigger than that, I can work with that.  I just want you to do me a favor, just one favor and if you can do it for me it’ll make everything so, so much better: please, if you can do it - please don’t say say anything out loud that you don’t want me to hear.  Do you think that you can do that for me? 

I can’t promise miracles, but I’ll see what I can do.