Tuesday, April 15, 2003

THE QUIZ OF AFFLICTION My

THE QUIZ OF AFFLICTION

My springtime spiritual season is nigh.  It’s not that I particularly avoid spirituality for the rest of the year, but special occasions in the springtime and fall focus this interest, inciting me to greater heights and deeper depths.  I missed last autumn’s headline event because of some residual discomfort from an injury, so I’m especially primed for Passover this spring.  It’s a really fun holiday, especially the way we celebrate it with our 20 or 30 closest friends from all traditions and walks of life.  I’ve written a guidebook (’hagadah’) for the ceremony, almost 50 landscape pages long; my dad uses it and he’s the chair of the Talmud department at a rabbinical seminary.  This year Kel’s sister and cousin and husband-in-law are coming out to join us, a particular pleasure because none of them have attended a seder before; it’s considered especially meritorious to host new people as the main goal of the whole event is to share, discuss, inquire and learn about redemption - both historically and psychologically.  I’m anticipating a lot of good questions this year, and I’m trying to come up with some good answers.  Here, as a spiritual appetizer, I am pleased to share a few provocative questions and enlightening answers about the festival of Pesach.

Q: Why did the sages of old discuss the Exodus all night long?
A: Ask them.

Q: Why is Moses mentioned only once in the hagadah?
A: Stop bothering me.

Q: What is the significance of drinking four cups of wine?
A: You’ve got to be kidding.

Q: Is the afikomen really a messianic symbol?
A: Go play outside.

Q: I don’t understand the answer given to the “wise student.”
A: Right.  Take a hint.

Q: Why do we dip parsley in salt water?
A: Ask someone who cares.

Q: How much horseradish do I have to eat to fulfill the comandment?
A: Stop complaining or I’ll give you something to complain about.

Q: Why do you open the door for Elijah?
A: Why do you open the door for Elijah?  Huh?  Huh?

Q: What’s the purpose of the two washings of the hands?
A: Are you still here?

Q: Why is this night different from all other nights?
A: You’re usually not so irritating when I’m this drunk. 

I’m assuming as I type these in that no one actually cares about this other than me.  If you have any real questions or want less cursory answers to any of the above, please drop me a line.  I do actually find this stuff pretty interesting and I’d welcome the chance to discuss any of it.  I would even be happy to email you my hagadah, though the hebrew might not come out properly at first.  Pesach begins Wednesday night; we do our seder service on Saturday.  It’s the perfect intersection of piety and partyhearty.  Let’s get unleavened!