Wednesday, April 02, 2008

THE TALE OF NOSY MCSCHNOZZERSTEIN

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?  The lake trip was delightful; cute-as-hell photos will be forthcoming.  The best part of all was the company of old friends, new friends, and my dear family.  The extended time with Zach (and his little friend Eli) in particular have inspired me.  A week or so ago Z asked me to tell him a bed-time story, rather than having me read him one.  I made up a story for him on the spot and I rather liked it, so I’ve fleshed it out a little and now I’m going to share it with you.  I’ll have some grown-up stuff further on down the line, but for now, I hope you enjoy:

THE TALE OF NOSY MCSCHNOZZERSTEIN

Nosy McShnozzerstein was a straightforward guy, broad at the bottom and bridged up high.  If you caught him from the side he had a certain flair, and he always kept up a rosy disposition - but deep inside, he felt empty.  He roamed about, with no special spot to call his own.  He just ran from place to place, never settling down, never making his stand.  He was a nose alone, and he was sad.

One day as he was running along he bumped into another nose coming the other way.  “Sniffle!,” they both shouted together in surprise.  That made them both laugh.  It had been a long time since Nosy had laughed, and it felt good.  “I’m Nosy McShnozzerstein,” he said to the other nose.

“Honker Snotski,” the other nose said back.  “Are you headed anywhere special?”

“I’m not,” Nosy admitted.  “I’m just a nose that roams alone.”

“That’s tough,” Honker replied. “It used to be the same for me.  But then I met some stand-up guys; we’ve been nosing around together ever since.  Wanna meet them?”

“Do I!,” Nosy answered with excitement, and he and Honker went off together to meet the others. 

Not far away, they found a dozen other noses blowing off steam.  Back and forth and hither and yon the random noses roamed, laughing and shouting and having a snuffload of fun.  “Hey, everybody,” Honker announced, “This here’s Nosy.  He’s gonna stop up with us for a while.”

“Alright, Nosy, welcome to the Tooter Brood!,” another nose in the group said welcomingly.  Everybody seemed friendly enough, if a little rambunctious.  Nosy got some hearty slaps on the back and even a couple of eskimo kisses, as the others all introduced themselves.  There was Honker, whom he’d met already, and all his friends: Septum Fleshbeak, Nostrils Proboscoid, Sniffer Dripsalot, Snout von Trunkula, Nares Sneezemeister, Booger Naselle, Snorkles Mucusflume, Sinus N. Gristle, Misty Blowhole, Harry Facecaves, Olfactory Sam, and Bob (the Nose). 

After meeting all the noses, Nosy thought to himself, “This has to be the place for me.  We noses have to stick together.  They’ll know what’s going on.  They’ll take care of me.  I will be a nose alone no more - a nose among noses, that’s the life for me!”

After the introductions were complete, Sam asked Nosy if he knew any jokes; the other noses crowded around to listen.  Nosy was delighted - he knew some doozies.  He cleared his passages and began: “My dog has no nose.” But before he could get to the punchline, Misty and Snout shouted out, “But he still smells awful!”

Nosy was sorry that the other noses already knew his joke, but he tried again: “My nose is running...” “Catch it quick!,” interrupted several of the others, laughing as hard as they could.

Nosy tried once more, with his very favorite joke: “How can you tell that an elephant...” A chorus of nosybodies piped up gleefully - “Because he’s carrying his trunk!” The Tooter Brood all rolled around, laughing till they could barely breathe.  But Nosy didn’t feel like joining them.  He hadn’t been able to finish a single joke.

By the next morning, Nosy had had a crawful.  The other noses knew all his jokes, but that was just the beginning.  They were picky, stuck-up, and full of themselves.  But most of all, there was all the running.  They ran and ran and never settled down, which was what Nosy wanted most of all.  It was enough to make him dizzy, and things got pretty slippery, too.  Nosy didn’t feel like being just one more nose in a whole bouquet of noses.  He had to admit it - this wasn’t the right place for him. He needed a spot to call his own, where he could be special just by being himself. 

The next morning, he thanked the Tooter Brood for their hospitality and sadly ventured off once more on his own.  Again, he was a nose alone.  He wandered far that day, over cheeky hills and under towering brows.  He saw marvels and mysteries he’d never imagined, and found an inner peace he’d always hoped was within him.  By the end of the day he found himself overlooking half of creation.  Even though he was still a nose alone, he felt okay.

“Hey, look who we found!” Nosy turned around at the sound of the voice.  Just behind him were two friendly eyes, one on either side ofthe ridge behind him.  “I’m Eyegor; that’s Eyeleen.  You look comfortable.”

“I’m Nosy McShnozzerstein.  And yes, I’m very comfortable.” From over a gentle rise to one side, an extravagant ear peeked with friendly curiosity.  “Hey!  Snuck past us, did ya?  Well, good for you!  Been here long?”

“That’s Eustace-Ian, and I’m Lobelia,” a giggling voice from another ear called out from the other side.  Both ears waved a little hello and then ducked back away.  “They’ve set themselves up on either side,” Eyegor said.  That way they can really keep tabs on things for us.”

From down the hill, a couple of lounging lips smiled upwards to say hello to their new neighbor.  “We’re Lucius and Chappy,” they said with a grin.  “Can we tell you something?  You look fabulous up there.  We’re not kidding - we’ve tried that spot, it’s been crying out for something forever, but we just looked silly up there.  But you - you look like you were born to be right in the middle of things here.  Are we right, features?” And the eyes and ears cheered in agreement. 

Nosy felt himself swelling up - but not with allergies.  He realized that he had stopped running.  He’d found hinmself a spot of his own, smack dab in the middle of six new friends.  Okay, so none of them looked anything like him.  Instead, they looked like themselves - just who they were supposed to be.  Each one was special, and he, Nosy McShnozzerstein, was special when he was with them.  With him there, they felt complete.  Nosy was truly no longer a nose alone.  He was, at last, a nose at home.