Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The Worn, the Wise, and the What?

I’m just tired, okay?  We had a fun, fine weekend with the Portland relatives, including a delightful picnic with family (partly not mine) and friends (including one guy I am told I met a decade ago but neither of us remember it, and some nice random strangers who happened to show up with toddlers).  Since then I’ve been working my ass off and there is no end in sight.  So: I’ve decided to launch a couple of limp tepid balloons at the b’sphere and then give myself a bit of a breather.  I need to get through the next week and a half, at the very least, without overextending myself other than at the occasional yoga class.  Besides that, though, I think I’d be doing us all a favor if I just caught my breath, blog-wise, and let the creative juices well up again from wherever they originate, and whence they have lately retreated, leaving me in my work-worn state sadly parched of said juicy creativity.  I’m sure that nothing could make me write a bunch of entertaining crap more effectively than telling myself I don’t need to for a while.  Let’s see how that works.

Meantime, some parting gifts for our studio audience:

I’ve gotten into some new reality television, of a nature so lame and craven that I won’t even name names IRATE MASTUR KELS HITCHEN.  I can’t even say that I learn anything from these pieces of televised gummy rat.  It’s just brain-emptying entertainment.  However, I do flatter myself that I watch Survivor in part because I find it educational.  The last season ended months ago now, and for most of its duration I learned FLAT JACK SQUAT from it.  Then, with a sudden pedagogic burst, I suddenly learned three cool things in the very final episode, and since you are probably too clever by half to have wasted your time watching all that dumbness to glean such a bare mote of wisdom, I’ve distilled it down for you:

The prior season had been touted beforehand because it began with four racially-separated groups.  Would that impact the final results?  Not really, it didn’t.  The final three were a mixed bag – two Koreans who had bonded through common culture, of whom one was the leader and one was along for the ride, and one latino dude.  The Koreans had gotten rid of the other Asians; the latino hadn’t formed any relevant bond with the others of his genitive ilk.  It came down to a contest between the Korean and the latino, and the Korean won.  The race card had been thrown away long before.  So, this most recent season, there were two teams of mixed races, a good variety of skin types and nose shapes, and all three survivors in the final three were black.  Lesson: race is no more relevant than you make it out to be.

One of the “final three” survivors had gotten there by being really nice and supportive.  In the end she got no votes.  Lesson: Being nice is not in itself enough a lot of the time.

On the final episode, ejected players get to ask questions of the remaining three who made it to the end.  Many of those asking the questions were rude, confrontational, and barely coherent in their vituperation.  Lesson: if you’ve used up 14 minutes and 30 seconds of your 15 minutes of fame, don’t spend the last half-minute you’ve got acting like a jerk.

Wow, wasn’t that enlightening?  No?  Hey, shut up, I’m still talking.  And what I’ve got left will leave you wondering why they don’t demand a license before they let someone like me have a blog like this.  I’ve been sensing an ultimatum lately, something that would force me to make some kind of choice.  What is it?  I can’t tell yet, but it’s had me working up the following list of “OR” ultimatums!  Enjoy it, and I’ll see you here when I look here again!

OR-VILLE:

Fish or cut bait
Shit or get off the pot
Sink or swim
Kill or be killed
Publish or perish
Look or leap
Truth or dare
Shirts or skins
Pitch or catch
The lady or the tiger
Chainsaws or grappling hooks
Alien or Predator
Civilization or discontent
Whip or will
Funk or fied
Wright or Reddenbakker

What a relief.  Later, dudes.