Saturday, November 16, 2002

TWENTY LESSER HAZARDS OF AIR

TWENTY LESSER HAZARDS OF AIR TRAVEL in random order:
* Getting pinched when someone lowers the armrest onto you
* Hidden crud stuck to the traytable, and then to your book or pad
* Elbow meets beverage cart - score: one - zip cart
* Turbulence during coffee service = nurtscald
* Mystery virus that dwells on the musty blankets
* Weird greasy smear on window you accidentally get on your face
* Stressful conversation with neurotic in neighboring seat
* PA announcements so loud you get freaking tinnitis
* Someone has used your seat cushion for something other than flotation
* Dank trash in the seat pocket in front of you
* Skull crushed when person in front of you reclines as you rummage in the bag you stowed beneath his seat
* Concussion from being struck by falling oxygen masks
* Bladder cramps from being stuck in an inside seat
* Nosebleed from dry recirculated air
* Buttchafe from sliding down rubberized inflated escape chutes
* Buying shit from SkyMall
* Neck cramp from straining to see out a window on the other side of the airplane
* Decent movie ruined by your seeing it first on a plane’s tiny poor resolution screen
* Bad $4 wine
AND FINALLY:
* Contents of overhead bins may shift during flight